


A Midsummer Night's Dream

by LaventiyaGrace



Category: SKAM (Norway)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Art, Coming Out, Disscussion of Mental Illness, Doctor Isak, Kindergarten teacher Even, Literature, M/M, POV Alternating, Parenthood, Slow Burn, Strangers to Lovers, different first meeting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-26
Updated: 2019-06-20
Packaged: 2020-03-17 20:29:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 38,272
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18972397
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LaventiyaGrace/pseuds/LaventiyaGrace
Summary: Even Bech Naesheim, pappa and kindergarten teacher, and Isak Valtersen, researcher and professor, are both content with their lives. A research and a fateful meeting changes their lives, if they like it or not. Throw in a teenager and it gets even more complicated.





	1. An Introduction

**Author's Note:**

> First time writing, here we go!
> 
> In spite of the title please don't expect many Shakespeare references.
> 
> Mental illnesses are being discussed in this work but there will be no explicit descriptions of episodes or the like. The characters will talk a bit about their experiences with mental illnesses. I am not a doctor nor have I bipolar disorder so what I write is based on accounts of people I have read. If there are major mistakes, please forgive me. This also applies to the research I am writing about. It might not be 100 percent accurate but this is a fanfiction so I guess: creative freedom.  
> I have nearly finished writing, so there won't be long waiting periods between updates.  
> I hope you enjoy!
> 
> We always know how the story ends. What we don‘t know is what happens along the way.“  
> \- Ahdaf Soueif, The Map of Love

**Lysander**

Lysander jumped into the tram just as the doors were closing. Everybody around him was staring. Forgive him, he really loved to make a dramatic entrance. His Pappa always said that it is in his nature. It was his pappa’s fault that he was running late. He was useless with everything electronic, so this morning Lysander found himself repairing the dishwasher.

He was sweating, completely out of breath and his entire face was red. Lysander felt absolutely handsome… And of course Erik was also on the later tram, he even had a front row seat to his performance. Nice. Maybe he waited for him, to see him before school. He quickly pushed the thought aside. Lysander knew it was probably not true if he was honest with himself. Erik was standing up and grabed the pole just centimetres above Lysander’s fingers and mumbled a _Hei._ “Halla!”, his heart rate was definitely faster again. Lysander looked anywhere but at Erik and just hoped he didn't look nervous.

Erik looked down at him, with his beautiful brown eyes “Nice conversation”.

Lysander sighed. “Yeah.”

“Nice weather.” Erik tried.

Lysander had to snort. And as they both desperately tried to find a topic to talk about they started laughing.

  
Since Erik transferred to his school 3 months ago Lysander had behaved really awkward around him. He didn’t know if he was gay or not, but he was pretty aware of his crush on Erik. At first he thought he was just a little obsessed with him because he was so mysterious, he still was, but he was sure it was a little crush after all. Maybe not so little.  
They hung out quite often but Lysander still had no idea who Erik really was. Erik and him became instantly friends over their shared interest of music and weed. He was not supposed to smoke, it messed with his meds but this didn’t stop him from having fun. He hadn’t had an episode for about 6 months now, so he sometimes allowed himself a smoke with friends, and it all went well as long as his pappa didn’t find out.

  
On their way from the tram stop to their school they met the rest of their friends, everybody was trying to get updated on the parties that took place over the weekend.  
… … … …

**Even**

Even felt like he was a useless dad. Using his son as a personal mechanic was most probably not good parenting. Well he hadn’t really got a choice.

As the kindergarten came into vision Even tried to shake off his self criticisingly thoughts. On the tram he nearly made a child cry because he looked so angry, and he definitely didn’t plan on repeating it at his workplace. He was a professional. A very good one! The kids always told him that he was their favourite kindergarten teacher. But than again he is sure they said that to all of his colleagues. Children liked to have peace. He liked to have peace, that’s why he started his Mondays with a finger painting class. All of the kids loved it and he also had a lot of fun when he allowed himself to paint his own picture.

Even always wanted to become a painter but with the birth of Lysander everything changed and he decided to get a job with a regular income. He had always been interested in working with children, in the way they thought and expressed themselves. His job as a kindergarten teacher allowed him to combine his artistic side and his child care one. Over the years Even had used art, in which ever form, to help children express their emotions and thoughts, to give them an outlet for their energy and help them develop. He has read many essays and articles to improve his work.

At the entrance he met Frieda, a very talented girl who impressed Even on a daily basis. She ran towards him and huged his legs “Even I missed you so, so much. Are we going to finger paint today?”

Even smiled and answered, “Halla, I missed you as well. And yes we are going to finger paint. Did you thought about what to paint over the weekend?”

Frieda grabed Even’s hand and was already walking towards the classroom.

“Don’t you want to say goodbye to your Mamma?”

She turned around to her mamma “Bye Mamma!”.

Even had to chuckle and gave Frieda’s mamma a shrug. Frieda started to pull him by his hand again, and in this moment Even was confident that he chose the right profession even though he was not always so confident with his parenting.  
… … … …

**Isak**

Isak was biking towards the University of Oslo. He had 10 minutes until his lecture began. He was pretty sure he wouldn’t make it on time. Again. On at least 3 days a week he was late. He had no idea why they hadn’t kicked him out yet. Or maybe he did had an idea. He was an expert in his field and the University was actually grateful that he was teaching several courses besides his researches.

Isak actually saw himself more as a researcher than a teacher. He started researching when he was in his first year of University and one of his professors asked him to be on a research team. It was something special to be asked as a first year student to be on a professional research team, and from there Isak’s career in the field of neuropsychology took off. This didn’t mean that he didn’t like to teach, he more so felt bad for the students who attended his lectures. On multiple occasions he overheard students saying that his lectures were all over the place and therefore hard to follow. However they also admited that they still learned more than in the other lectures. This reassured Isak in his job and when ever he felt like quitting, this stoped him.

Back to being late, Isak was always late, to everything. Like to his date on Saturday. The guy actually left and Isak looked like a looser in front of the waitress. At first he was pissed that the guy had left but when he saw that he was 45 minutes late he didn’t blame him. He was a mess. Jonas told him as much on Sunday when he visited him and his family. Jonas was disappointed because he had sat Isak up with one of his colleagues and he was afraid to go to work because Isak, according to Jonas, embarrassed him. Suited him right. Isak told Jonas many times that he was not looking for a relationship but Jonas never listened.

Isak opened the doors to the lecture hall, all eyes on him “Good morning, I know I am late.. again. But hey it is Monday morning so I guess that counts as an excuse right?! - Wait, don’t answer that!”

… … … …


	2. A Beginning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look inside yourself, and through reflection and thought make the soul beautiful.

**Isak**

Isak nearly forgot his appointment at Hartvig Nissen on Tuesday, but fortunately his student assistant reminded him just in time. He had already been there three weeks ago and he had managed to convince quite a few students to participate in his new study. So now he was on his way to his old school to hopefully find one more student.

He liked going to Nissen. He had met his closest friends there, with whom he still talks to. Here his interest in biology was formed and encouraged. Thus he was very grateful that the headmaster allowed him to hold a speech on mental illnesses and ask for participants. Surprisingly he was right on time and made his way into to the auditorium just as the last students took a seat.

… … … … …

**Lysander**

Lysander was exited as he found himself a seat. His friends told him about the funny professor who talked about mental illnesses. He was feeling a bit down so his pappa and him decided that he should stay home for a few days, trying to prevent an episode. So he unfortunately wasn’t there for the speech, but he hoped that today the professor would talk a bit more about mental illnesses.

Since being diagnosed two years ago Lysander was reading many medical articles on mental illnesses, to get a better understanding of his own brain, a lot of those articles were written by this professor. So one could say that Lysander was a bit of a fan. If you can be a fan of a medical doctor.

“Hello everybody my name is Isak Valtersen. Maybe some of you remember me from a few weeks ago.” The professor was looking through his bag, several papers fell onto the floor but he didn’t seem to be bothered by it. “I am researching mental illnesses and their effects on the brain. And at the moment I am conducting a study that is concerned with the connection of art and mental illnesses.”

The professor took a sip of his water and continued, “So basically I am researching if art is helping the brain to cope with a mental illness and the ideal outcome would be that with using art psychotic episodes could be prevented or at least minimised.” Lysander was intrigued and thought that this was definitely something he was interested in and couldn’t wait to read about the results.

Lysander tuned out for a bit as the biology teacher started to speak. He was thinking about how his pappa had always encouraged him to live out his artistic side and how he organised art shows for his paintings. Most of the time just his grandparents and a few of his pappa’s friends came to those shows, but this made him feel very valuable and encouraged him to get better at painting.

He must have missed a joke as everybody in the auditorium was laughing. After Professor Valtersen has finished laughing he turned to his audience and said “I am actually here to find a volunteer who is brave enough to be a victim to my weird experiments.”

Everybody started laughing again and Professor Valtersen continued, “To be precise, someone with diagnosed Bipolar disorder, I would prefer a boy because I have not enough boys in my research group. Is this mental illness profiling?!”

There was laughter and loud talking around Lysander but he was too stunned to react. He had not yet met a doctor who treated mental illnesses with such a light and positive attitude. Not his own doctors or his pappa’s doctors had ever used humour to talk about their illness.

Lysander is determined to try to get into the research but he had no idea how to contact Professor Valtersen. He turned to Erik and whispered “Did he already mentioned how to get in contact with him if you want to participate?”

Erik looked at him with a surprised expression but that quickly faded away as he answered “Yes, he is handing out his email on those sheets.”

Well now Erik knew he was Bipolar. He hadn’t told him before because he was always a bit frightened that people would turn their back on him. And it is not like that his bipolar was really affecting his relationship with his friends, so he hadn’t seen a point in telling him just yet.

“Here I saved a sheet for you. You looked really out of it for a minute.” Erik said with a smile. And if this smile wasn’t medicine to diseases.

Lysander let out a breath, he didn’t notice holding in, “Thank you!”

He wasn’t sure how to ask but he needed to know “I hope this doesn’t change anything?” He could hear how unsure he sounded and he usually wasn’t unsure about his illness, he has accepted it and knew that he couldn’t change it.

Erik looked at him and said quietly “Of course not!”

“Okay. Let’s go to the park with the rest of the boys.” Lysander said as a way to turn the conversation away from bipolar, he was not ready to talk with Erik about it. Especially not here.

He looks at the piece of paper in his hands. _Please contact me here, if you want to participate: isak.valtersen@uni-oslo.com_

… … … … … …

**Even**

As he made his way into the flat Even remembered that he was supposed to buy dog food for Olav, their German Boxer. After taking off his shoes and jacket he went into the kitchen to put the groceries into the fridge and to start cooking.

He was in the middle of cutting carrots when he heard the front door followed by the sound of paws and laughter. Olav was the first to come into the kitchen and in the process of greeting Even he nearly knocked him of his feet.

He called out to his son “Lissy could you quickly go back to the shops and buy dog food? I forgot, again and I feel so bad.” No one reacted, besides Olav who was looking at him with a sad expression, as if he understood what Even just said.

“Why did you allow me to get a dog?”

Lysander came into the kitchen looking embarrassed, a boy wass closely following him “Hei! Thank you for using my most embarrassing nickname!”

The boy was trying to stifle a laugh but Lysander notices it “Don’t you dare tell anybody at school.”

The guy just noded and Even turned towards him “Hei, I am Even, LYSANDER’s Pappa.”

“Hei I am Erik.” Erik said while laughing. Lysander looked at him with a small smile.

Even always wondered if he didn’t just passed on his bipolar and painting genes but also his 'not-heterosexual' genes. But Even didn’t know for sure and he also didn’t want to assume. He was also feeling very bad because he hadn’t been very open about his sexuality, sure he had mentioned dates with men and women a like but he never talked specifically about sexualities with his son. Maybe he should have done it more often. Even just hoped that Lysander didn’t think that Even would have a problem if he would fall in love with a person that wasn’t a girl. But than again Lysander never really reacted when he mentioned that he was going out with a man. He was probably worrying for nothing.

“Don’t I get a hug?” Even asked and whilst hugging him Lysander answered his previous questions “I will go after Erik has left, because I love our dog! And we got a dog because we both convinced Grandma that we were both capable of looking after a dog. So if you want to blame someone, blame Grandma.”

Even turned back to his carrots and asked Erik if he would eat with them.

… … … …

**Lysander**

Did his pappa had to use his nickname in front of Erik? It was so embarrassing. While setting the table Erik had called him Lissy multiple times until he couldn’t get a reaction out of Lysander any more. He secretly liked it but was too afraid to admit it. If Lysander was honest to himself than he wouldn’t change his pappa for anybody else. He was a bit chaotic but he tried to do anything for him to make sure he was happy.

His pappa made his famous vegetarian bolognese and Erik seemed to like it even though he was surprised to find out that both, him and his pappa, are vegetarian.

“Weren’t you supposed to be back later?” He asked his pappa.

Even swallowed and answered with a teasing tone “Why? Were you hoping to be alone?”

Oh God, he didn’t know how he meant it. Did he know about his crush on Erik or did he mean something else?

He tries to stay calm “No, I was just wondering.”

It seems to work.

“Yousef asked me to fill in for him but as it turns out he wanted to go home early for his wedding anniversary, I had to remind him that it is tomorrow and not today. So I am covering for him tomorrow so he can take Sana out for dinner.”

Both Lysander and Even started to laugh and Lysander turned to Erik and explained “Yousef is an old friend of my Pappa and he forgets the day of his wedding anniversary every year and his wife, Sana, gets always really angry at him.”

“But only because she can’t remember the date herself” Even interrupted.

This relieved a bit of the tension and the three of them finished their meal laughing.

During cleaning up the table, Erik noticed the painting that hung on the wall above the dishwasher. “This is really interesting. It makes you wonder what exactly the painter wanted to tell his audience.”

Even shareed a look with Lysander, silently asking if he was allowed to talk freely about the painting. Lysander doesn’t mind, he was in fact interested what Erik had to say about his painting.

“Lysander painted it for me. It is supposed to be me. You have to know, I have a mental illness called bipolar disorder and so this is an actual representation of how I feel.” Lysander was watching Erik and noticed too late that Erik had turned his eyes from his pappa to him.

“Oh, wow I didn’t know you could draw that good. It is really impressive.”

Lysander tried to hide is blush with loading the dishwasher, “Thank you”.

The look he just gave him was giving Lysander hope that Erik was just as interested in him as he was.

… … … …

**Even**

Even was already in bed when Lysander returned from the shops with the dog food. While getting ready for bed Even had thought about his son and he was pretty sure that he had a crush on Erik. He just hoped that it was not unrequited. Erik seemed to be a cool and caring guy.

He could hear Lysander moving up the stairs and getting ready for bed in the bathroom. Just as he was thinking that he was going to his room, his own door opened and Lysander got into bed next to him.

Even though his son was 17 years old he sometimes still slept in Even’s bed. Or they just had a cuddle before Lysander left to sleep in his own bed. Even was very proud that they had such a close relationship. Some of his friends complained to him about how their children didn’t want to have a hug, now that they were teenagers.

Lysander settled into his arms “Today something really cool happened. Professor Valtersen visited our school and -”

“THE Professor Valtersen? The one we are the biggest fans of?” Even interrupted.

“Yes, I was also a bit starstrucked. Anyway he is looking for a boy with bipolar for his new research. And I thought about applying. What do you think?”

Even was smiling and kissing the top of his head, “This is awesome!”

Lysander moved back a bit to look into Even’s eyes “Do you really think so? I have to apply via email.”

“Ja, I think you should apply right now!” While Even was turning around to his night stand to pick up his computer, Lysander explained the study.

“It has got to do with art. He wants to find out if it is possible to treat mental illnesses with art.”

“This sounds like you would fit right in. What kind of art is he going to use?”

“I don’t know, he hasn’t said.” Even tried to get his laptop to work. He looked at Lysander with pleading eyes, who was just rolling his eyes and laughing at Even.“You are useless when it comes to technical objects!”

“Well, this is why I have you around.”

As Lysander was opening his email account Even thought about how differently he was coping with his illness. With 17 Even was completely overwhelmed and would have never talked so openly about it. He couldn't believe how lucky he was, with a son like Lysander.

“Okay Pappa, what should I write?”

“Did he asked specific questions? Or does he have any special requirements?”

“He was really funny about it. He asked if a boy with bipolar was willing to become his victim.”

Even couldn’t believe it, “He sounds really cool. Come on start writing the email! Maybe write something about yourself and why you want to be a part of his study. And I don’t think you have to be very stiff about it, if he is that casual about it.”

 

To: isak.valtersen@uni-oslo.no  
From: lysander-bn2002@norwegianmail.no  
Subject: Bipolar Boy Looking for Work

Dear Prof. Valtersen,

  
My name is Lysander Bech Næsheim. I am 17 years old, student at Hartvig Nissen and interested in all different kinds of art. I especially like to paint and play music. But you are probably more excited to hear that I got diagnosed with bipolar disorder 2 years ago. I am very interested in your study and if art really has a positive impact on me or if I am just imagining things. I would be very happy if you would pick me as your victim!  
All the best

  
Lysander Bech Næsheim

  
PS: I have talked to my pappa and he thinks it is an awesome idea. And he is also allowing me to participate! I thought you should know.

… … … …

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I am getting better with every chapter... At least I hope so!


	3. Contact

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The very essence of romance is uncertainty.  
> \- Oscar Wilde, The Importance of Being Earnest

**Isak**

On Wednesday morning he got called into a meeting with his boss on the way to his office. They had to start organising next semester’s lectures. That meant Isak had to rush to the hospital where he supervised several labs. During a short break he checked his emails and saw that he had 56 new ones. He didn’t had the time to answer them and send his student assistant Aminata an email, asking her to look through them and mark the ones that were important. He felt a bit bad for requesting it. But he felt like he had no other choice.

He finally left the hospital at 6 p.m. and bought himself an unhealthy looking sandwich at the cafeteria. He always wondered why hospitals are allowed to sell unhealthy food.

Aminata was just on her way out when Isak walked into his office. “Hey, I put all of the ungraded assignments on your desk. Please don’t forget to grade them for next weeks class. I don’t want to answer hundreds of angry emails from students who haven’t got a grade on their assignment, again!” Isak just nodded “I also had a look at your power point presentation for tomorrow. When did you write it? There were so many typos.”

Aminata took a deep breath, “And I also marked the most important emails, you might want to have a look at an email from a kid who wants to, and here I quote: ‘wants to be your victim’?! Isak what did you do to him?”

Most of the time Isak felt like he was Aminata’s student. “Thank you, Thank you! You are the best, I will make it up to you!”

“How?” She was always very bossy but he knew that she had a soft heart.

“I will bring coffee to the office tomorrow and I will give you the opportunity to supervise my first years in the lab next Tuesday.” Isak hoped that would make her happy “Is that good enough?”

Aminata didn't answer, just grabed her bag and left the office “Bye boss!”

Well she definitely was making him pay and he had to admit that it worked.

Isak was really curious about the email but decided to grad the assignments, else he would forget them. He was about half way through them when his curiosity got the better of him.

With opening his email account he saw that only 21 emails were marked as important, he just had to find the “victim” one. _Bipolar boy looking for work_ , maybe it was this one.

 

To: isak.valtersen@uni-oslo.no

From: lysander-bn2002@norwegianmail.no

Subject: Bipolar Boy Looking for Work

 

Dear Prof. Valtersen,

 

My name is Lysander Bech Næsheim. I am 17 years old, student at Hartvig Nissen and interested in all different kinds of art. I especially like to paint and play music. But you are probably more excited to hear that I got diagnosed with bipolar disorder 2 years ago. I am very interested in your study and if art really has a positive impact on me or if I am just imagining things. I would be very happy if you would pick me as your victim!

 

All the best

 

Lysander Bech Næsheim

 

PS: I have talked to my pappa and he thinks it is an awesome idea. And he is also allowing me to participate! I thought you should know.

 

Isak couldn't believe his luck, he had given up all hope to find a boy who would like to participate, and now this. He feared that his jokes put possible candidates off. He had to answer this Lysander guy immediately (what a weird name?!)

 

To: lysander-bn2002@norwegianmail.no

From: isak.valtersen@uni-oslo.no

Subject: RE: Bipolar Boy Looking for Work

 

Hey Lysander (or Bipolar boy),

 

I am so happy to here from you! I can gladly say that I have a job for you… but there is no actual payment involved. I, however, pay in knowledge and fun times. I hope that is okay with you.  
The first meeting is on Monday, please bring yourself and the parental permission form, which you can find attached to this mail. We are just going to get to know each other and if you don’t feel comfortable than you can always leave and never come back. (Please come back, I need someone with bipolar). There will be snacks! We will meet at Ullevål University Hospital at 4 p.m.

 

I am looking forward to seeing you

 

Isak Valtersen

 

PS: I am glad your Pappa is supportive of you! Please remember to fill out the form.

 

_\- Prof. Isak Valtersen  
Head of Neuropsychology Department _

_University of Oslo-_

Attachment: _parental_permission.pdf_

 

… … … … … …

**Lysander**

 

At 6:30 Lysander’s alarm went off. He didn't feel like getting up but he could already hear his pappa coming back from his morning walk with Olav. He had no choice but to get up.

He had really hoped that Prof. Valtersen would pick him for the research but he hasn’t got a reply.

After taking his medication he made his way into the kitchen where his pappa was already making him porridge.

“Hey, good morning! I didn’t know what kind of topping you wanted this morning so I just put all of the fruits we own on top of your porridge.” His pappa made porridge every morning and Lysander was unable to persuade him to eat something else.

“Morning.” Lysander said around a yawn “Thank you. Maybe I should have written a more formal mail.”

Even gave Lysander a hug and kissed him on top of his head “Oh love, maybe he is pretty busy and hasn’t got around to answer you. I still think it was the right idea to send him a funny email.”

Lysander didn’t really believe him but he appreciated the gesture. As he was filling Olav’s bowl with food his pappa suddenly swore “Fuck! Am I right in assuming that you took your medication?”

“Ja, why? Checking up on me?” Lysander joked.

“No I am not. I just forgot to take my own. Could you please hand me a glass of water?” Lysander knew that Even was not controlling him because he hated it himself, when people did it.

“Maybe we should put up the signs again?” Lysander suggested.

Even sighed and admitted, “I think I really need them.”

Until last month they had signs hung up on nearly every wall. They designed them themselves and were there to remind them to take their medication.

“When are you home today? I am going to my book club after work so I will be home late. Will you be able to walk Olav?” Even interrupted his train of thoughts.

“Yes! I will take Olav to the park after school.” Lysander was picking up his phone “Let me check whether Math is taking place or not.”

One of the notifications was for his email account and his heart began to beat a bit faster.“Pappa I have got an email.”

“Open it.”

Lysander was shaking with nerves

“Come on open it.”

“Yes I am trying!”

  
Lysander couldn’t believe that Prof. Valtersen had personally sent him a mail. “I got in, look”, he yelled. Lysander turned his phone around so that his pappa could read the email as well.

… … … … …

**Even**

 

After Lysander read Prof. Valtersen’s email for a second time, he rushed to get ready so that they could take the same tram and talk more about the research. After greeting Mr. Hansen, whom they see every morning, Even and Lysander found seats. Lysander talked excitedly about the research but Even was just half listening, he was too busy being a proud parent. He really hoped that it would help Lysander in his understanding of his illness and if they were lucky these methods might help navigate future episodes.

They had two more stops before Lysander had to get off the tram.

“What do you say about ice cream to celebrate tonight? I will stop by the shops after my book club and buy our favourites and than we could watch a film. And I will allow me one beer.”

“Yes, can you buy vanilla?” Before Even could answer, Lysander continued with a pout “Can I get a beer as well?”

“No! You are legally not allowed to drink.”

“Please!” Even shook his head.

“Please, just a sip, then?” And how is Even supposed to say no when his son is looking at him with puppy eyes. Even smiles at him.

“Yes! Thank you. See you tonight and have fun at work!”

Loud and angry voices could be heard from the teachers office as Even was about to enter. Inside his colleague Sven was talking to Emil’s parents. Even also tought Emil and so he decided to find out what was going on. He hoped nothing was wrong with Emil.

“Hei, is everything alright?”

Emil’s dad was the first to answer “No unfortunately not. My wife and I can’t tolerate that you let the children play in the mud. The other day Emil’s expensive shirt was covered in mud.”

Even had to force himself to not start laughing. Over the years the parents got weirder and weirder. “I am sorry, but we will not stop the children from playing in the rain and mud. In my opinion it is very important that kids play outside.” Even tried to reason but he is sure that Sven has used similar arguments already.

Sven just shook his head and gave Even a look, that said _really?_ They tried to talk some sense into Emil’s parents but it didn’t really worked. Even also needed to go to ‘his’ children and had to leave Sven behind.

He quickly picked up his guitar and made his way into the music room where Lisa, the new intern, was waiting for him whilst also trying to calm down 20 kids. He smiled at Lisa and got attacked by several children who wanted to have a hug. Even just laughed and hoped that they would be able to finish their new song for next week’s performance.

… … … … …

 

**Isak**

 

“Well, that’s it for today. Are there any questions regarding the material I just covered?” Nobody lifted a hand, this didn’t actually meant that there were no questions, Isak knew that some students prefered to ask him questions in person, so he was not really surprised.

“Could you explain the structure of the exam and when and how we have to register?” a girl asked.

Isak is glad he asked Aminata to come to his lecture. He had no idea how to register for exams, he struggled when he was a student himself and never bothered to learn how it works. “Aminata, my assistant, will answer all those organisational questions. So if there are no questions on the lecture’s topic I will get going.”

Isak started to gather his things and Aminata took over. “Quick reminder: my office hour is on Tuesdays from 10 to 11. Come see me there if you have questions.” Isak added and left the lecture hall.

Isak was tired and couldn’t wait to go home, so he left straight for the bike racks.

On Thursdays he left work a bit earlier to do the weakly shopping and to meet his mamma right after her therapy session ended. Isak was an environmentalist, that was why he bought most of his groceries at a bulk shop and he also bought his vegetables and fruits at the local farmer's market, that was taking place on Thursdays.

He was just filling a jar with rice when he spotted his ex-boyfriend Ragnar. They broke up on bad terms, to put it mildly. Isak couldn’t be bothered to talk to him and so he hid behind the shelves until Ragnar left.

In these moments Isak wondered how he managed to get such a highly respected job.

He had 10 minutes to spare, so he sat down in the cafe across the street from his mamma’s therapist’s office and waited for her. Isak was very proud of his mamma, her going to therapy on a regular basis was not something he took for granted. She struggled with her diagnose when Isak was younger and it strained there relationship. But as Isak learned more about mental illnesses in uni he understood her better and their relationship got better from there one.

He saw her coming out the door in a flowery dress and walked across the street, shopping bags in tow. He was glad that she seemed to be in a happy mood. His mamma smiled when he stood in front of her.

“Hei, ungen min! How was your day?”

Isak gave his mamma a hug and replied “Hei, it was pretty uneventful. You look happy.”

His mamma smiled and noded while saying “I am happy, I feel so much better than last week and Dr. Tryggvason and I had a really nice conversation.” She gently touched his cheek and took a bag from his hands, “Did you do all the shopping?”

As Isak was nodding she continued “Alright let’s go home. I have my bike around the corner.”  
  
Isak and his mamma were biking home through the streets of Oslo, the warm wind was ruffling his mamma’s hair, in the background he could hear people playing football in the park and Isak knew he wouldn’t change a thing for this moment right here.

… … … … …

**Lysander**

 

He immediately spotted her. But he was not the first one to greet her, Olav was faster and was already attacking Smilla with wet dog kisses.

Smilla.The most beautiful girl he has ever seen. And his first love.

Even though they broke up last year they were still close friends, if not best friends. Smilla was also the reason for his confusion with his sexuality, he was sure that he really loved her and found her attractive. But since her, he hadn’t really looked at other girls and now his crush on Erik (who was playing football in a very tight shirt.. ugh). So he didn’t know if he was bisexual or gay or pansexual or heterosexual or something else…

“Hey, you okay?” Lysander looked at her perplexed, she snorted “I already said hi 4 times and you didn’t react.”

He gave her a small smile “Oh sorry, I was just thinking about something.”

She gave him a look but didn’t elaborate on the matter. “Are you playing referee again?”

He nodded and grabed her hand “Ja, and you are going to help me.”

Here was the thing, Lysander was the stereotypical art kid who hated sports. Sure his pappa sometimes forced him to go running with him, but other than that he stickd to watching sports.

Smilla and Lysander were play fighting over a ball. With Olav trying to get the ball as well, the 3 of them looked like a living knot, when Erik approached them.

“Hey Smilla. How are you?” Erik asked, while rocking back and forth on his feet.

While she answers, Lysander wondered why Erik was always so stiff with Smilla, but he couldn’t think about it too much because Erik was pulling him out of his thoughts “… so that’s why I have to get going.”

Lysander frowned “Oh sure, but I thought we wanted to play some video games at yours?!”

Was Erik blushing? Lysander was not so sure.

“Right yeah… I really can’t. I mean you could play with Smilla. Didn’t you mentioned that your dad isn’t home?”

Now Lysander wass really confused “Dude, you know that I don’t have a TV at home. And Smilla hates video games, right?”

He looked at Smilla for help but she also looked confused. “Yeah I hate them. But I still think it’s weird that you don’t have a TV. Like hello? Welcome to the 21st century!” Smilla laughed at her on joke and Erik started to leave.

“I will leave you to it. Bye. See you tomorrow!”

And with that he was gone.

… … … …

 

**Even**

 

Maybe Even shouldn’t have talked so passionate about Bea’s book recommendation for this week’s book club. When ever he did it she tried to get into his pants, and he got that, he was also immensely attracted to people who talked passionately about a topic.

In all fairness, Bea was a really nice woman and he actually went on a date with her. But the only thing she talked about were her pet snakes, and Even hated snakes. So that was the end of their friendship. He usually tried to not comment too much on her books but today he couldn’t stop himself from sharing his thoughts on her book, _The Importance of Being Earnest_ by Oscar Wilde. He had read the play a million times and had seen various adaptations of it over the years.

He regretted it so much, some of the book club members send him a pitiful look but made no move to help him. Even really had to work on keeping his mouth shut whenever it was Bea’s turn.

His rescue came in the form of a call.

He excused himself and looked at his phone. It was Lysander. His heart started to beat faster, like it did each time Lysander called him. He always suspected something bad had happened. He guessed it was part of the parent job to worry.

“Hei Lissy, everything all right?” he asked warily. Lysander didn’t sound upset, and so Even took a deep breath.

“Hey Pappa. Don’t worry it’s all fine, I was just wondering when you will be home? And if I should buy the ice cream, while I am on Olav’s night walk?”

Even could hear Olav in the background, “If you don’t mind, sure.”

His son hummed his approval, “What kind of flavour do you want?”

Out of the corner of his eyes Even saw that Bea was leaving and so he said “Strawberry please. By the way you just rescued me from Bea. I think she was talking about her snakes again.” Lysander laughed and Even knew he was rolling his eyes.

“Well I am glad I could be of service! I am leaving now, see you in a bit.” with that Lysander hung up.

As he was stepping out of the tram near their flat he saw his son and Olav waiting for him. He couldn’t wait to go home and snuggle with them both.

… … … … …

 


	4. The Research

**Lysander**

This morning the tram was unexpectedly crowded. This usually put Lysander in a bad mood but not today. Today he was going to the first meeting of Prof. Valtersen’s research group. He was nervous too, because he had no idea what to expect. His pappa wanted to go with him but he had a teachers meeting until 6 p.m. Lysander had to drive to the hospital right after school, he hoped he could concentrate in school today and is not too nervous.

The music changed to _Depeche Mode’s Personal Jesus_ and Lysander had to smile to himself. He spend the weekend with his pappa, going to the theatre, visiting his grandparents and on Sunday they had a lazy day. They only went out to take Olav on walks and the rest of the time was spend dancing and singing along to music, whilst they cooked and painted. His pappa had attempted to cook vegan meatballs, which ended in a disaster. The kitchen looked like a battlefield, they forgot the meatballs in the pan, because they were too busy dancing to _Personal Jesus_ , and then the smoke detector went off. Most of the meat balls were burned and the ones that were fine tasted really weird. They decided to go on a walk and buy themselves a pizza from their favourite pizza place. The sun was shining and so they ate their pizza in the park whilst Olav run around.

When he told his grandparents about the research on Saturday, they were both thrilled and his grandpa even offered to drive him to the hospital. But he declined. He wanted to go on his own. He also noticed that his pappa was really proud of him, for being a part of a research and with that trying to help others. He had told him multiple times over the last days. It was a bit annoying.

During the whole weekend he didn’t really thought about Erik at all, he was still confused by his behaviour on Thursday and he still had no explanation why he acted like that. It was nice, to not think about Erik, it helped him sleep a bit better. This was really important because he noticed that his sleep patterns were a bit off and when that happened he always feared that it might trigger an episode.

He was still thinking about the meeting at the hospital as he sat down next to Smilla. He was pretty sure she noticed him being nervous but didn’t mention anything and began to talk about her weekend.

… … … … …

**Isak**

Isak was nervous. He was nervous every time he started a new study. Did he plan everything correctly? Did he forget something? Did he choose the right members for his research team? Would he be using the right methods? Was it going to be a success? Aminata was sending him worried glances from her desk, Isak just shruged and hoped she wouln’t start a conversation. He needed to think.

He got interrupted by his alarm which reminded him to leave for the hospital. He packed his bag, said his goodbye to Aminata and was already out of the door when Aminata called after him “Isak you forget the questionnaire!”

Of course.

“Shit. Thank you! You really are the best.”

Aminata’s laughter followed him out the door.

… … … … …

**Lysander**

Lysander tried to find the room where the meeting was happening. The receptionist gave him strange instructions on how to find the room and he was not so sure if he was on the right elevator.

He was proper nervous now, he didn’t want to be late for the first meeting.

The elevator came to a halt and as Lysander rounded the corner he saw several people standing in the hallway, they all seemed to be roughly his age. Maybe these were the other participants, he hoped so at least. He was standing a few meters away from them, so that he could pretend that he was waiting for someone else if they happened to be not part of Prof. Valtersen’s group.

To his relief a man came out of the room and said “Hei. Welcome to Prof. Valtersen’s research meeting, I am Thomas and will assist the Professor on his research. Ahh, I see some parents, I will have to ask you to leave your children in our care. I promise to give them back to you in perfect condition, don’t worry.” This Thomas guy waved them all in and gave the parents a weird look.

Lysander sat next to a girl he had seen in school and they made small talk when Thomas interrupted them and offered them snacks. “Here take some snacks, we made popcorn because being in the presence of Prof. Valtersen is like watching a comedy. And don’t worry we didn’t poisoned it.”

Lysander looked at the girl who looked back at him with the same confused glance. “Ehm... thanks, I guess.” Lysander eventually said.

Thomas seemed pleased with himself and left for the people next to them. The girl whispered to him “He is weird, right? I hope he is just handing out food and not taking part of the real research.”

Lysander was about to answer, but just then Prof. Valtersen came into the room.

… … … …

**Isak**

It seemed to Isak that all of the teenagers were already there when he came into the room. Thomas had allowed them to sit in rows and hadn’t formed a circle in the middle, how Isak had instructed. Not even 5 minutes into the first meeting and Isak already regretted choosing Thomas. To be honest he didn’t really had a choice, Thomas’ father is a befriended colleague and he kind of owed him a favour.

“Hello everybody!” Isak was met with several _Hellos_ “Before we get started, I want you to move the desks to the side and form a circle with your chairs. I think the room’s outline reminds everyone of school and we don’t want to have that, do we Thomas?”

With the last question he turned to Thomas who turned red, nodded and started to move the tables to the side. Isak liked to tease interns and inexperienced assistants. Especially those he didn’t like.

After they all took a seat, Isak started the meeting.

“We are going to do a little introduction round, so that we get to know each other a bit better.” Isak looked around but no one seemed to be against it.

Isak went first “Okay. My name is Isak I am going to lead this research and I would liked to have you all call me Isak and not ‘Professor’. It sounds too old and serious. I am 36 years old and my pronouns are he/him. I don’t have a mental illness but since I began to study medicine I have been interested in psychology and how the brain functions. That’s why I am a neuropsychologist and doing researches like this. I hope we have a wonderful time and that everyone feels welcome here.”

Isak took a deep breath and turned to Nika next to him “Nika it’s your turn.” And with that his research team began to introduce themselves.

The whole time Isak wondered who the guy was who sent him the funny email, Lysander, if he remembered correctly. There are only 3 people left and Isak began to think that Lysander didn’t come but then the next guy started “Hey I am Lysander I am 17 years old and a student at Hartvig Nissen. I got diagnosed with bipolar disorder about 2 years ago.” He seemed to be finished when he added “Oh, and my pronouns are also he/him.”

So this was Lysander, he sounded more confident in his mail but Isak guessed it is only natural to be a bit shy when you have to talk in front of several people.

After the introduction Isak explained the aim of his research and what kind of methods he would be using.

“We will ask you to draw, paint, play music, write poems or other texts and be otherwise creative. Sometimes we will afterwards talk about your feelings during the activity and how you feel after you finished your drawing for example. But were are also going to use Electroencephalography, short EEG, during your creative activity. We are going to do that so that we can hopefully find so called biomarkers. For example, a biomarker may be the reason for activity in a particular brain region when performing a particular task. We want to find out if there are regions in the brain where people with, let’s say, depression are different from healthy people. If there are differences, the question arises as to whether a particular pattern can be found that enables people to recognize and distinguish certain mental disorders. This would allow doctors to prescribe the right medication or to improve the dosage.”

Isak was met with silence and a few confused faces but he expected that. He hoped that it would become clearer whilst they move on with their study.

“I know it may sound confusing but I will promise to clarify things along the way and you can always ask one of us if you have questions. You can also write me an email and I will try my best to answer your questions.”

Isak looked at his watch and realised that it was already 6 p.m. “Okay guys, it is 6 p.m. I think this was enough input for today. We will meet each other on Friday at 3 p.m. But we are meeting in front of the MRI wing, on the second floor. You are all going to get an MRI taken of your brain and towards the end of the study there will be another MRI taken. Maybe there will be a difference.”

The kids started to leave but Isak stoped them “Please remember to bring another parental permission sheet that allows us to take an MRI. Thomas is going to hand them out to you, right Thomas?!” Thomas nodded and the kids made their way to the door.

… … … …

**Lysander**

Lysander was full of energy as he made his way to the tram. He couldn’t wait to tell his pappa about the details of the study. It sounded so interesting and Prof. Valtersen, no Isak, was really awesome in explaining all the details. He didn’t really behaved like a high decorated professor, more like a friend who was interested in finding out more about his new friends.

He got off the tram several stops earlier to get Olav from his aunt’s house and took Olav on a walk home to shake off all this excited energy. His pappa wasn’t home yet. So Lysander started to make dinner and waited for his pappa to come home.

… … … …


	5. Therapy

**Even**

On Tuesdays Even had a short day at work because he worked afternoons on Mondays, and from Wednesday till Friday. This allowed Even to go to therapy. At the moment he met his therapist once a month, and sometimes he didn’t really needed to talk things trough but he still enjoyed to go.

His therapist Leif was only a few years older than him, at the beginning of his diagnose he had an old therapist who didn’t really understood teenage Even. But with Leif it was different, he understood the troubles of someone who was nearly 40 and it also helps that he had children himself.

Even was going over his shopping list when Leif called him into his office. “Hei Even. How are you?”

They shook hands and Even took his usual seat. “Hei, everything is good. How about you?”

Leif answered and started to ask the usual questions about his medication and how he felt mentally, if he had a feeling that something was off or if he felt like his medication wasn’t working.

Everything was alright and with the recent events in Lysander’s life, namely the research, he felt better than he had in a long time.

“I wanted to tell you something about Lysander.” Even started but is interrupted by Leif.

“Even please remember that this is your time, you don’t always have to talk about Lysander.”

Even rolled his eyes, he knew that he should think about himself a bit more often, but not today.

“I know. But this is also something that could be relevant for me.” Even looked at Leif, to see if he would interrupt him again, but he didn’t so he continues.

“Lysander is taking part of a study that analyses the impact of art on the brain and if it helps the brain to cope with mental illnesses. This professor is hoping to find a way to give patients the right diagnose and the right medication. And I am so proud of Lysander for taking part and being so open and vulnerable, too”

Leif nodded his head and looked impressed “Wow that sounds awesome. I bet you are more excited than him.”

Even laughed and nodded, “He even goes as far as saying that maybe in some cases there might not be a need for medication. How awesome is that?”

Leif considered his next words carefully, “Even don’t take this the wrong way, I am just asking to make sure. Do you feel like your medicine is not helping you and do you think you should stop taking your medication? Like last winter.”

No. Even didn’t feel like that, of course there are days where he hated to take his medication and be reminded of his illness but all in all he was content with his life and has accepted it. Since him and Lysander put up the ‘remember to take your medication’ signs again, he hadn’t forgotten to take them. He told Leif as much.

“Okay than tell me more about this research. I guess it would be nice to have another approach on diagnosing patients.” Leif tried to turn the conversation back to the research.

“Lysander is really impressed by the professor, and I have to admit that I am too.” Even laughed and went on.

On his way home he thought that he slightly understated when he said that he was impressed by Prof. Valtersen.

He is obsessed with him.

After Lysander got his email he started to read nearly every publication of him. He had been reading articles on children’s brain development before and still remembered the main arguments, but he read those again. At first he convinced himself that he had to read them for work but over the weekend he realised that he was obsessed with him.

At one point it got a bit unhealthy. He searched the internet for a photo but couldn’t find any, where Prof. Valtersen was visible. It also didn’t help that Lysander hadn’t stoped talking about him since yesterday.

Even was a bit jealous that Lysander had met him in person and it sounded like he would frequently see him. Even was planning on tagging along the next time his son would go to the hospital.

… … … …

 

**Lysander**

Today his pappa had his therapy session so he knew that he would be home a bit later and so he decided to ask Erik, if he could come over. He sent him a text and quickly jumped into the shower. When he checked his phone he saw that Erik had replied.

 

Hey :) can I come over?

Sure :)

 

Lysander let out a breath. He was glad he said yes because he always feared that people might not want to hang out with him.

 

On my way. I will bring those vegan muffins :)

Nice :)

 

He felt a bit edgy. Like he always did when he was meeting Erik. When he reached his house he saw Erik already standing in the doorway, smile on his face. Lysander tried to get his butterflies under control as they made their way towards Erik’s room.

They are finishing the last muffins when Erik turned towards him and asked seriously if he had been picked for the research and so Lysander told him about the first meeting and what the research was all about.

“Can I ask you a question? I might sound really ignorant, but I am not doing it on purpose.” Erik looked at him with a hopeful expression.

“Sure. I love ignorant questions.” Lysander answered teasingly.

They both laughed and Erik dared to ask his questions “I just wanted to know if there is anything I should know about bipolar? Or about any triggers or something? I read that alcohol and weed isn’t really good. But we smoke weed sometimes and I wondered if I have pressured you into smoking?”

Lysander was stunned by the fact that Erik had done some research and was thinking that he did something wrong. He could never do anything wrong, he was perfect in Lysander’s eyes.

“You don’t really have to look out for me, my medication is working really well and I go to therapy. I also hadn’t had an episode in months, so it’s going really well actually.”

Lysander looked at Erik and saw that he was worried but also relieved.

“And the smoking?”

Lysander had to laugh “Don’t worry that is all on me. I am not supposed to but sometimes I just want to have some fun. But I have to make sure my pappa doesn't find out or he will be really angry and disappointed.”

Erik looked more relaxed but Lysander could sense that he was still thinking about something “Is there anything else you might want to know?”

Like if we could go on a date? he added in his head.

But before he could answer, Lysander’s phone was ringing. It was his pappa.

“Sorry I have to answer or otherwise my pappa will be worried.” He said apologetic and answers the call “Hei!”

His pappa sounded a little bit out of breath “Hei, I just came back from a run and was wondering when you are going to be home?”

“What time is it?”

There was a little pause before he answerd “Nearly ten. I thought you would be home by the time I was back from my run.”

Lysander had really forgotten the time, whilst hanging out with Erik. “Sorry. I will take the next tram home okay?”

“Alright, see you in a bit.” With that he hung up and started to gather his things.

… … … …

 


	6. First Sight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The face of all the world is changed, I think  
> Since first I heard the footsteps of thy soul.  
> \- Elizabeth Barrett Browning

**Isak**

The research had been going on for about 3 weeks now and so far everything went smoothly. Everyone on the team was happy with the work. They told him during the weekly meetings, that they held without the ‘research kids’, as Isak liked to call them, so he didn’t have to refer to them as his victims any longer. A few parents actually overheard him and were offended by it. None of the kids seemed to mind but he still stopped, or otherwise the kids were no longer allowed to come. Over the weeks he has met nearly every parent and had the chance to ask them if their child had changed, if they saw a difference. So far no one really saw a major difference but it was still the beginning of the study.

He was really interested in meeting Lysander’s parents until now this hadn’t happened. He was curios because Lysander seemed to have a close relationship with his dad, on multiple occasions he had talked about him.

When Isak asked about his name he had replied “My dad is an art snob. So right before my birth he painted the stage scenery for the production of _A Midsummer Night’s Dream_. The story and the work meant a lot to him because it made him forget his fear of the possibility that his child also might have bipolar disorder.”

This really intrigued Isak. A father who shared the same illness was probably seeing the research with a different perspective and he sounded like an interesting man to talk to.

Isak was running a bit late. His lecture didn’t go as planned. First the projector didn’t work and then he was faced with students who didn’t read the material and therefore couldn’t understand what he was talking about. He had to stop several times to explain things, and in the end he had run out of time. On top of that he had spilled his coffee on his shirt, he was now wearing scrubs. He still made a detour to the cafeteria to buy himself a late lunch, as he hadn’t had time to eat before and he forget to make his lunch at home, like he usually did.

When it is his turn to pay he suddenly noticed that he hadn’t got enough money. He gave the woman behind the counter a smile “I am so sorry, but I didn’t bring enough money. Can I still change my order? Maybe just taking my sandwich?”

She looked at him as if he just committed a crime “This is not possible your coffee has already been made and we follow a strong ‘no throwing away’ policy.”

If only she knew that Isak was trying to produce less waste himself.

Before he could answer a voice behind him says “Sorry to interrupt but let me pay for your coffee.”

Isak turned around and is met by ocean blue eyes and a smile.

Isak tried to object but he was too mesmerised by the stranger’s eyes to react. He didn’t even notice that the stranger had already paid for his coffee, his sandwich and his own drink.

“Here you go.” The man looked at him and held out his coffee and sandwich.

Isak grabbed it and was just able to whisper a quit “Thank you”. It looks like the man wanted to talk to Isak but he quickly turned around and hastily left.

He was so embarrassed, he couln’t believe that a stranger had to pay for his food. He couldn’t believe he sank so low, normally a person who wrote not only one but two doctor theses and on top of that a postdoctoral thesis,was a functioning human being.

But not in Isak’s case.

Plus he had to work on his flirting skills. He couldn’t stay silent if a good looking guy was talking to him. Ugh, or even offering to buy his lunch. Isak was so fucked.

He was still angry at himself when he made his way into the room. “I know I am late. And I apologize in advance for my weird behaviour I just had a strange encounter.”

… … … …

**Even**

Even had just met the most beautiful person he had ever seen. He had curly blond hair and beautiful green eyes. That looked at him with horror as he suggested to buy the man his coffee and sandwich. The man seemed to be embarrassed and Even tried to make sure that he didn’t mind and that it was okay, that this had happened to him before, as well. But he hadn’t had a chance, the man was practically running out of the cafeteria. Even hoped it wasn’t because of him and that his job (as a nurse? A doctor?) was the reason he ran.

Even was finally able to go to the hospital with Lysander. He had no luck in meeting Prof. Valtersen before the meeting started. He had lingered in the hallway for about 10 minutes but he still didn’t meet the professor. He than decided to hang out in the cafeteria, drink some tea and read a book whilst waiting for Lysander.

He didn’t mind the waiting, in fact it allowed him to pursue one of his secret hobbies. ‘people watching’ as he liked to call it. He would observed the people around him and imagine what their story was. Why were they in the hospital? Were they a patient or a visitor? Who was waiting for them at home? A cat? A husband? Were they on their second marriage?

Multiple times his thoughts turned back to the man. What was his name? Was he really a nurse? What was he doing now? Was there a reason why he didn’t had enough money? What did he look like in the morning? Was he always this adorable? And so Even spent his time waiting, watching people and wondering about the handsome man and before he noticed it, Lysander had send him a text, saying that he was waiting in front of the hospital for him.

… … … …

**Lysander**

His pappa behaved weird on their way home. He asked him multiple times if anything was alright and his pappa tried to convince him that it was. Lysander didn’t believe him but he wasn’t going to pry.

Today he finally finished his painting that he had painted during the research meetings. He was hooked up to the EEG and afterwards he talked to Isak. Isak was a really good listener and he had an understanding for art, so it was really easy to talk to him about his art projects. Next week he was supposed to bring his guitar and they would examine if his brain was sending out different signals, compared to when he was painting.

It was Friday evening and he was supposed to meet his friends in the park. He just wanted to get home really quickly and take a shower and maybe change his shirt.

Erik was coming as well. They have been getting closer after he told him a bit more about his diagnose. He was also pretty sure that he has been really bad at hiding his feelings, Smilla hinted that she knew about his crush. Maybe he will tell her, he was not so sure yet.

It seemed like the whole school was in the park.

Lysander was trying to find his friends but there were so many people that he was loosing his orientation for a bit. He was thinking about going home, suddenly someone placed their hands over his eyes. He knew it was Smilla, she always did that whenever she had a few drinks. They gave each other a tight hug and she immediately pulled him onto the makeshift dance floor.

“Hei!”

He had to lean down to her ear, so that she could hear him.

While dancing with Smilla he tried to find Erik and after a few minutes he finally did. He was wearing a light blue shirt and dark jeans and his biggest smile. It was his favourite look on Erik. 

Erik hadn’t seen him yet and so Lysander ook the chance and watched him. Erik was laughing and even though he couldn’t hear him, he knew exactly how his laugh sounded like. Lysander had no idea how long he could go around with his crush without telling him.

He had no idea how long he has been watching him, but Lysander quickly turned around when Erik turned to look in his direction. He thought he could feel him looking at him. But he didn’t dare to look. As he focused back on Smilla, she gave him a look, he knew meant _I know it all_. He gave her a small smile and tried to distract her by pulling her towards the drinks.

Erik didn’t come to him once. Maybe he didn’t see Lysander or he didn’t want to talk to him. Lysander has no idea what was going on, with Erik, with his crush with his pappa, and with Smilla.

… … … …

**Isak**

Isak lied in his bed and thought about the handsome man. He still wasn’t over the fact that he behaved like a shy teenager. He also couldn’t believe that he was still thinking about those blue eyes. Whenever he closed his eyes, those blue ones looked at him. He wanted to run his fingers through his wavy hair, it was probably super soft. And then he also remembered the smile and those lips, and he couldn’t believe that he was so captured by this stranger.

It had never happened to him before. He thought situations like these only existed in films.

Of course he had been in love before but he had never felt like that before. He felt like a fool.

… … … …

 

 


	7. Obsession

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Je fais le même rêve tous le soirs.  
> (I do the same dream every night.)

**Isak**

It was Saturday and Isak had just been to the bakery. As he was opening the front door he could hear his mamma in the kitchen, probably making coffee. They moved around each other, setting the table for breakfast, without really speaking to one another. He knew his mamma was watching him closely, she probably tried to find the right words, so she could ask him about his strange behaviour yesterday.

Isak was on his second croissant when his mamma asked him about yesterday “Is everything alright at work? You seemed a bit down when you came home.”

He had been waiting for her to ask, he noticed that she saw that he wasn’t feeling like himself yesterday.

“The research is going very well, I am very happy with the results that we have this early on.” His mamma nodded and waited for him to continue. “I was just exhausted. With the lectures and my other two studies and now the new one… it’s a lot.”

She lowered her eyes and let out a breath. When she lifted them to his they were full of concern, “Oh Isak. Maybe you should cut back on the teaching?”

Isak shook his head “No I can’t do that, I really like it. I think I just have to get used to the new workload.”

“Maybe you should take some time off, then?” She looked at him and could see that he was not going to agree, “At least stay home today, just relax and hang out with your mamma.” she suggested.

“I can’t just stay home. I promised that I would come in today.”

His mamma sighed and she knew that she had no chance to convince him. “Okay, okay. But promise me that you will take care of yourself.”

Isak didn’t answer, just rolled his eyes.

“Isak! Don’t give me that look.”

After a pause they both started to laugh.

Every Saturday Isak volunteered at the hospital as a doctor. He was helping out an organisation that provided free health care for those who were not able to go to a ‘normal’ doctor. Because of his training as a doctor he was allowed to treat wounds and colds, but he also took care of the people who struggled with mental illnesses.

Over time he had met quite a few LGBT teenagers who were not in contact with their family. It was always hard to hear those stories and he tried to give them not only medical care but advice too, as a therapist but also as a member of the LGBT community.

Isak was very grateful that his mamma handled his coming out so well. Even though she was religious, she never had a problem with him being gay. She even asked when and if she would ever meet her future son in law.

But before she could meet her future son in law, Isak had to meet his future husband first. Maybe the stranger from yesterday his brain suggested. He quickly pushed those thoughts aside. It would only exhaust him further.

Yesterday Isak couldn’t fall asleep for a long time because he couldn’t stop thinking about the man. His eyes, his lips, his hair, his voice. Those thoughts were on repeat. He finally fell asleep because he was too exhausted. But this morning he still couldn’t stop thinking about him.

It was so strange, he had no idea how to handle this situation. Isak hoped it will go away, whatever it was. He was pretty preoccupied with his research. This was actually his rescue, he realised. His job would not allow him to think about the man and it would certainly not allow him to be in a relationship with him.

It was a comfort… for now.

… … … …

 

**Even**

On Sunday it was the first time since Friday that Even had to think about the beautiful man. Yesterday he visited his friend’s play and afterwards they went out for dinner. It was nice catching up and Even did not thought once about the man. It was nice to be present in the now and not daydreaming about a future that might never exist.

Lysander came out of his room quite late and so they hadn’t really talked that much. When Even tried to ask about the party he was very vague and seemed to not want to talk about it.

He was pretty sure Lysander drinks alcohol. He didn’t plan on commenting on it as long as it didn’t interfere with his meds. Even trusted him. And he would feel like a hypocrite if he would forbid it. As long as he was drinking alcohol and was allowing his son a sip of beer, he couldn’t forbid it. Also as soon as you forbid kids something, it inevitably became more interesting. He was after all a parenting expert.

Instead they talked about the research. More specifically about Isak. Lysander was very pleased with himself that he was allowed to call him by his first name. Even had the impression that Isak was becoming a role model for Lysander and that he strived to be a bit like him.

Whenever Even asked about the methods they are using or what he created, Lysander turned the topic to Isak. How Isak commented on his drawings, that Isak also liked a certain painter, that he liked his version of a song, that he liked to talk to him and so on.

At first Even thought he might have a crush on him but he quickly learned that it was not the case. It was more an admiration for Isak’s work and how he treated mental illnesses. Apparently Isak was a good therapist as well and Even understood how important that was for him.

His son had been struggling with his first therapist too and Lysander had a problem with the fact that most of their doctors were quite uptight about their treatments. Even was used to it by now but he understood the need for a doctor who would treat you like any other patient. Especially when you hadn’t been diagnosed for a long time.

Because Lysander talked constantly about Isak he was also admiring him and he really wished to meet him. He longed for someone who apparently got how bipolar actually worked and wasn’t shy to talk about it. If he was honest, he was a bit infatuated with him. It didn’t sound right, to like someone you haven’t met.

Like his obsession with the man from the hospital.

He called it an obsession now. It had gone so far that he was wondering what it would feel like waking up next to him. Running his finger trough his curls, from time to time they would get stuck because there is a knot and Even would take his time in untangling it. Or how he would be still sleepy when he would find him and Lysander in the morning, making breakfast together. Even would sneak up to him and hug him from behind and wouldn’t let go.

Even sometimes wished to have a partner. He usually excused the lack there of, with the fact that he hadn’t got time to date someone seriously. He knew it’s a lame excuse. He was aware of the real reason.

He was afraid that he would get turned down. Because of his mental illness and because of Lysander. It had happened before. His previous dates had a problem with him having a child. Being in their twenties, Even doesn’t really blame them.

Others where overwhelmed when Even told them about his bipolar diagnose, way too many never called him back.

His mind drifted to Dante. ‘Love does not allow a person loved not love back’ Dante wrote in _Inferno V._ Which for Even meant that love is mutual, no matter what.

So if these people were interested in him like he was in them, they would ultimately have fallen in love. But he didn’t think that he has ever truly loved or was loved by someone. He still feared that rejection, now that he was in his late thirties, but ultimately knew they were not worth it.

A door creaked which meant Lysander was awake. Even heared the familiar sound of the pill package, the tap running and was reminded once again that Lysander was the most important thing in his life.

… … … …

 

**Lysander**

When he went into the kitchen he saw his pappa already in running gear and knew that he was going to persuade him into running.

“Good morning!” His pappa said cheerfully and gave him a big grin.

Lysander wanted to go back to bed. “Before you ask, no I will not go running with you.”

He gave him a look that said no arguing. “I thought we would go to Holmenkollen and go running there. Change it up a bit.” He knelt next to Olav on the floor and they both gave him a pleading look. Lysander had no choice but say yes.

As he changed into his running gear, whilst simultaneously eating a banana for breakfast, he thought that running would help him forget about Erik for a few hours.

Yesterday he had been home alone for the better part of the day. He spend his time thinking about Erik and why they hadn’t talked at the party. He asked himself if he did something wrong but could not find the answer. There also hadn’t been any texting since Thursday which is weird. They usually texted over the weekend. Even if to just ask about homework.

After he got a message from his pappa, saying he wouldn’t be home for dinner, he invited Smilla over. They watched a film on his laptop and at one point Smilla started to braid his hair. Which wasn’t that easy as his hair wasn’t that long and so it was his turn to braid her hair, with her instructions. It wasn’t really successful either. He gave up and they started talking, the film just a background noise. Lysander was very close to telling her about Erik but in the end he chickened out. He wasn’t ready, yet.

“Lissy are you coming or did you went back to bed? Olav and I are waiting.” His pappa shouted from the hall and if to make his point Olav came into his room.

… … … …

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Constructive criticism for the win!!  
> Thank you to the person who pointed out my awful mistakes. I really messed up with the tenses.  
> Sorry to everyone who had to read that. I fixed it but there might be still some mistakes. Sorry!


	8. The Longing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alles, was wahr ist, ist schön.  
> \- Werk ohne Autor
> 
> (Everything that is true is beautiful.)

**Even**

 

It was Wednesday and Even had just picked up Lysander from therapy. Recently he had the feeling that something was worrying Lysander. He indirectly tried to ask him about it but hadn’t got a clear answer from him. He respected that.

Even hoped that therapy helped him sort it out.

Lysander’s therapist, Linn, worked at a school before. She had a good understanding of what school children went through and teenagers in general. Which they looked for when Lysander changed therapists at the beginning of the year. So far he liked going to her and they seemed to talk things out, which reassured Even.

Today seemed to be a day where talking about his feelings, had left Lysander exhausted.

They sat next to each other on the tram, Lysander was laying his head on Even’s shoulder, he went through his hair.

“Maybe you should get a haircut.” Even whispered to him and didn't wait for him to answer “How was it today. Are you alright?”

Lysander let out a deep breath, he didn’t look at him when he answered “Yeah… or kind of. I am trying to sort something out and at the moment I have no idea how but Linn is helping me. Today was just a lot.”

Even nodded “Well I am glad you are not bottling it up.” Lysander lifted his head and looked at him, Even could see the exhaustion on his face.

“I try not to. I am sorry that I am not talking to you about it.”

He shook his head “You don’t have to be. I am just going to say it again but I am pretty sure you already know. You can talk to me about everything but I also understand if you don’t want to talk to me about it. Just promise me that you will talk to someone. People have to talk to each other.”

Lysander just nodded and laid his head back on his shoulder.

Even was glad that he could sit on a tram with his 17 year old son allowing him to play with his hair and talking to him about his feelings. He was proud of Lysander but also a bit of himself. Plus he thought they were a good example that fathers and sons could cuddle, it was something completely normal. He had no idea how they would survive without cuddling, as they both were people who needed human contact. Lots of it.

Even knew that his son was eventually going to talk to him, after he had sorted his thoughts and had talked about them with Linn.

He also knew that Lysander tended to process his feelings through painting.

Which gave him an idea, he turned to Lysander once more “Hey, what do you say about a little art show on the 17th after we watched the parade. We haven’t had an art show for so long. You can invite your friends and I will invite mine and grandma and grandpa will be there as well.”

Lysander lifted his eyes and gave Even a small smile “Yeah sure. On one condition.”

“Okay.”

“You are also showing some of your drawings.”

Even knew he would say that “Alright. I will ask my friends tomorrow. And I will call grandma as well. Are you going to invite some friends?”

Lysander looked a bit sad, he shook his head and said “No, I don’t know. They are probably not interested and I know some of them aren't in Oslo.”

“I mean asking doesn’t hurt right?!” He gave him a challenging look.

”Are you trying to force me to make friends?” Even laughed and Lysander added “I am going to ask Smilla and I will think about asking the others.”

“Okay, I like Smilla” Even grinned and winked.

Lysander rolled his eyes as he said “Yeah. I know!”

They were silent for a few minutes when Even remembered what happened at work today.

“I just remembered! Today at work this homophobic dad was there again. The one I told you about, right?” Lysander nodded, so Even went on.

“So he comes in and sees Sven talking to his son. He runs up to him and tries to grab his son. But his son is like ‘Hei papa Sven is going to put my shoes on for me’ and he is all smiles. The dad gives Sven the side look and tries to convince his son that he can put on the shoes but the son doesn’t want to and so he asks Sven to stop putting on the shoes and Sven looks at him and asks why. And then this asshole, excuse me, has the audacity to say ‘stop touching my son or you will infect him’ and Sven has noticed me standing in the hallway, looks at me for help, but we both have no idea what he is talking about. And then the father explains that his son told him that Sven is a homosexual and he can not tolerate his son getting infected with the homosexual virus. By now Sven is super angry but composes himself and just says ‘well I am sorry to inform you that there is no homosexual virus but there is a disease called homophobia’ and he is sorry to inform him that he is infected by it. The father looks scandalised and grabs the shoes and takes his son and just leaves.”

Lysander looked amused at him, a small smile on his lips. Even had to take a breath because he was angry again but he continued when he had composed himself.

“And then we came up with a plan. Sven knows that the dad also hates pet... Well guess who is bringing their dog to work on Friday!”

Lysander burst out laughing for the first time this evening “You!” And as Even nodded Lysander said “I can’t believe you!”

They laughed some more when Even saw that the man across from them looked amused. When he noticed Even looking at him, he gave him a big smile and said “Good one! Some people are bigots.”

Even was pretty sure that he just winked. Was he flirting? Even didn’t know, he never knew.

Which brought him back to his obsession with ‘hospital man’. Even wished he had the chance to flirt with him. Even though he wasn’t good at it. Therefore he was glad that there was no flirting after all. Otherwise he would have made a fool out of himself.

Up until this moment it never crossed Even’s mind that the man could be straight. He was shocked that he hadn’t thought sooner about the possibility. He had imagined all these things and knew that the likelihood of talking to him, or even having a relationship with him, was very small. But in the back of his mind there was hope that he would see him again and they would have had the chance to talk.

He had tried to see him again on Monday but he had no luck.

Instead he did a shameful thing...

He spent his free time trying to draw him from memory but he wasn’t really satisfied. He needed to see him again, from different angels and with the right lightening to give his beauty justice.

… … … …

 

**Lysander**

 

He fell into bed. He was exhausted, all this talking with Linn and then Erik who hadn’t really acknowledged him these past days. It was making him sad, he had no idea if they weren’t friends any more. They talked briefly on Tuesday but when he mentioned the party Erik had to leave for class, even though there were still 10 minutes left of their break. He didn’t know what to do.

He had also no idea how to talk about Erik with his pappa. He knew that he didn’t have anything against gay people, especially after his pappa’s outburst earlier on the tram.

But what about his own son?

It was good that his pappa respected his boundaries and didn’t pry too much.

He talked to Linn though. He hadn’t mentioned that it was a boy but they still talked about his feelings and how he could deal with his unrequited crush. They hadn’t really found a solution but they would talk more about it next week.

Lysander turned to his canvas, that was standing on his desk, he looked at the unfinished painting of a person.

He was looking forward to the art show. At first he wanted to say no but he knew that his pappa would have liked to host one again. Lysander was actually surprised that he agreed so easily to have his own work displayed.

His pappa was very self critical and with his job he hadn’t really got the time to paint, not as much as he would like to at least. He often didn’t show his paintings to anybody except Lysander and sometimes his parents. Lysander couldn’t wait to see what he had been working on these past days, up until now he hadn’t showed it to him.

He was not so sure if he would ask Erik to come, he was probably going to celebrate with his family. Secretly he would like to know if Erik liked his paintings.

If he was going to ask Erik to come he would certainly not be showing his current painting. The figure looked very much like Erik. This would be embarrassing.

His pappa was knocking on his door and stuck his head into his room “Hey, I just wanted to say good night!”

Lysander looked up from his painting and saw his pappa already in his pyjamas. “Good night.”

As Even turned to leave, Lysander asked “Will you come with me to the hospital tomorrow?”

“Yes of course. Maybe I will finally meet Prof. Valtersen.”

Lysander had to smile and teased “You might or you might never meet him and I will be the only one of us two, who has talked to him.”

His pappa shook his head “How dare you! I raised you and this is how you pay me back.”

“Go to bed pappa!” He could hear him laughing as he turned back to his painting.

… … … …

 

**Isak**

 

Isak had a stressful day. He had to cover for his colleague and on top of that there were 60 assignments he had to grade. He hold two lectures first thing in the morning and was annoyed that some students just showed up to talk to their neighbours. Why come if you were not even listening? Aminata and him tried to find the students on social media and thought about giving them a lower grade on the next assignment, but they quickly ended their search. They weren’t allowed. As much as Isak thought it was a pity.

It was 8 pm when Isak finished grading the last assignment. He probably was the last one in the office, it had happened before.

One time he was locked in, after the facility manager locked all the rooms. Isak didn’t noticed it because he was asleep on his desk. When he woke up he had to call the facility manager. To say Isak was embarrassed was an understatement.

Today he was lucky enough to get out without an incident.

He made his way across campus to his bike when he remembered that he forgot the files, for the research, he needed tomorrow. Isak made his way back into the building and after a quick search he found them neatly stacked on his desk.

He had to thank Aminata, his life saver. He should gave her the opportunity to teach one of his seminar courses. Aminata was a really good student assistant, the best he ever had, and on top of that she kept up with her good grades. Isak thought she would be a good doctor.

Unlike Thomas who fucked up every time Isak saw him. He wished he could threw him out of his team. Some parents had even complained about him, they had a feeling he wasn’t taking the study seriously.

Isak had got the same impression and he hoped that Thomas would learn how to be more professional over the next few months.

He drove by the library and remembered that he ordered some books. The books Isak ordered were all introductions to neuropsychology, he had ordered them for Lysander. Over the last weeks they talked about his interest in studying medicine and Isak was more than happy to supply him with some reading material. He was pleased to see someone so interested in his field of study. He could see Lysander being a good doctor, he was attentive, interested in his own brain and very smart. Isak couldn’t wait so see Lysander’s face tomorrow, when he would give him the books.

Luckily the library was open until 10 pm. The girl at the desk greeted him, he remembered her from his lecture on brain development after accidents.

“Hei I ordered some books.”

She gave him an enthusiastic nod and left to find his books. He hoped she hadn’t got a crush on him, his colleagues always told him that a lot of students would love to go out with him. He thought it was probably just because he was younger than the rest of the professors.

“Here you go, all 5 books you have ordered. Is there anything else I can help you with Prof. Valtersen?” She said with a sweet voice and looked at him with a hopeful expression.

Isak shook his head “No thank you and have a nice evening.”

He quickly left before she might start a conversation with him. He didn’t like to and he also had no idea how to deal with women who were attracted to him.

He never understood women, men where his area of expertise.

Or maybe they weren't any longer.

He still wasn’t over the fact that he ran from the cafeteria. His days and especially his nights were occupied with thoughts about the handsome man. His strategy to forget about the man didn’t work. Maybe he just had to accept it and had to try to move on. The chances of him meeting him were really low. Why spend time on thinking about someone you won’t see for a second time?

His feelings were probably not real, he was just confused. But than again he had never felt so captivated by someone.

Isak knew that there would be no sleep for him tonight.

… … … …

 

 


	9. Opening Up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Love, can you love yourself  
> Show me everything  
> every reason to believe in yourself  
> \- Sufjan Stevens

**Even**

 

Even tried to see them again, the handsome man and the professor. On their way into the hospital he had looked out for the man but hadn’t seen him. Even knew it was quite unrealistic to see him again, with so many people frequenting the hospital. If Lysander noticed him looking around he hadn’t mentioned it.

As they moved out of the elevator his focus shifted to the professor.

Lysander teased him “Let’s see if Isak is on time and if he will give you an autograph.”

Even pushed him lightly and wanted to say something when Lysander went on.

“Maybe on your arm! And then you won’t wash it anymore.”

Even turned red “Stop it Lissy! You are embarrassing me.”

Lysander snorted out a breathy laugh “Oh god you are such a fanboy!”

Even rolled his eyes “You are one to talk. Isak here, Isak there.”

Now it was Lysander’s turn to go red. They bantered a bit more but there was still no sight of Prof. Valtersen. After Lysander was called inside Even decided to stay a bit longer. It looked like he had no luck today and decided to concentrate back on finding the stranger who has invaded his thoughts.

As he rounded the corner he nearly crashed into someone.

Even helped picking up a few books. When he looked up he saw the same beautiful green eyes he had seen last Friday. He couldn’t believe his eyes.

The stranger also seemed to recognize him and Even desperately tried to find words. What could you say to someone who you constantly thought about?

Suddenly the stranger said to him “Thank you and bye!”

With that he left and Even only had the chance to watch him go. Which he wasn’t really upset about, as he was able to admire him from behind. He looked just as good as he did from the front.

And wasn’t that a coincidence, the stranger went into the same room Lysander went into.

On his way down Even realised that he hadn’t said a word and how he must have looked absolutely weird.

He was still not over the fact that Lysander might know him by the time he sat down in the cafeteria. Maybe it was the professor his brain suggested but he couldn’t be. No. He was too young and looked more like a student. Probably an assistant to Prof. Valtersen. Maybe this Thomas guy, Lissy mentioned.  
… … … …

 

**Isak**

 

Isak couldn’t think straight… no pun intended.

He crashed into the handsome man, let his book fall and looked like a mess.

He was late and hadn’t really looked when he exited the elevator. Not in a million years would he have thought to see him again.

What were the chances? It must have been faith.

Isak had always secretly believed in fate. But at the moment he couldn’t give the man any more thoughts, he had to supervise his research.

Today he decided to hold a little lecture before they would have one on one sessions.

“Okay guys I wanted to say some things before we will have little therapy sessions.” All eyes were on him, so he continued.

“I wanted to talk about a study I came across this morning. It shows that talking to other people is very important for the brain to develop and of course for your own mental health. I guess you all know that, as you are going to therapy, but the research also focuses on people who have never been to therapy and who haven’t got a mental illness. They divided the group into two, one part weren’t allowed to talk about their feelings and struggles whereas the others had appointments with therapists. Afterwards they found out that those who talked were overall healthier and had a slighter chance at falling into depression or having a burnout in the years to come.”

Isak took a sip from his water before he went on “So what I want to say is whenever you talk to your parents, siblings or friends it is not only good for you but for the other people as well. They are forced to think about the struggle you are facing and come up with a solution. During these thinking processes the brain is working with full speed. When I came out to my best friend as gay he ultimately had to think about sexualities. Which educated him but also helped his brain develop new structures.”

He explained the study a bit more and hoped that his ‘research kids’ understood him.

“Let’s get started on those therapy sessions, so that we can develop our brains!” Isak called out and turned to Lysander.

“Lysander you are coming with me.”

… … … …

 

**Lysander**

 

Lysander was impressed by Isak’s openness about his sexuality. He would have never guessed that a professor would talk about something so private with strangers. But Isak wasn’t like any other professor. And how he talked about it was so nonchalant. He wished to be so open about it, just talking about his crush on Erik without starting a discussion about his sexuality. Or having a crises about it.

They moved to a small room at the end of the hall, Isak was taking his notes out.

“I brought some muffins. My mamma made them.”

Lysander didn’t feel like eating at the moment, too wrapped up in his head, so he shook his head.

“Don’t tell me you are vegan… I haven’t thought about that. I will run downstairs and get you something.” Isak was already out of his chair but Lysander shook his head once again.

“No not vegan, vegetarian actually. But I am not hungry so don’t worry.”

Isak let out a breath “Okay good… Let’s get started. I wanted to talk about your moods today, if you have experienced any mood swings or if there are pretty stable...”

Lysander wasn’t really listening and gave half hearted answers throughout their talk. Could he tell Isak? Linn said that he should talk to someone else if he didn’t want to talk to his pappa. He was sure he would understand him, even giving him good advice.

But how did you start a conversation like this? He couldn’t just blurt it out.

He couldn’t really hear Isak anymore, the only clear thing he noticed was his heartbeat. It seemed to be way too fast. Hopefully he didn’t faint.

Isak touched his arm gently and looked like he had already tried to get his attention.

“Hey is everything alright? Is there something you want to talk about?”

Lysander shook his head.

“Lysander I can see that something is stressing you out. You can tell me everything and it doesn’t even have to go into my notes. We can just talk about personal stuff.” Isak said quietly.

Lysander didn’t know what to do. He wanted to talk to Isak but he was also afraid. He didn’t really knew why he was afraid.

Lysander shifted in his chair and looked up at Isak and when he saw the open expression, he knew. He somehow knew that he would talk to him. That it was going to be fine.

Lysander cleared his throat “I.. I like this one friend. And I have the feeling that he doesn’t like me back. Which itself is shitty enough, but I also haven’t felt anything quit like this for a guy before. And it freaks me out...”

Once Lysander had started he couldn’t stop “I haven’t told anyone. I don’t know what to do. Should I talk to him or not?”

Isak nodded and touched his arm again “First, thank you for telling me. I know it can be hard to figure out your sexuality. If you want to find out if your friend feels the same way about you, you only have one option. Talk to him or otherwise you will constantly wonder if he is touching you because he likes you as a friend or if he is into you. Believe me, before I came out to my best friend, I had the biggest crush on him. Later I realised that it would never lead to something more and I got over it. I actually told him a few years later and it never changed anything, in fact we are still best friends. It felt good to tell him, even after all these years. And you liking a guy is nothing bad, it is wonderful to be in love with someone.”

Lysander nodded and knew that Isak was right. It also felt good to know that he wasn’t the only one.

“That doesn’t mean I am gay though, right?” He looked at Isak who shook his head slightly.

“No it doesn’t, but there wouldn’t be anything wrong if it would.”

“Yeah, I know. It’s just that I really loved my ex girlfriend and now this thing with Erik… I don’t know.”

Isak smiled at him “You know it could mean that you are bisexual or pansexual. But I am sure you have already googled a bit?” Isak asked and Lysander nodded “Promise me to never google your symptoms when you’re sick. You will end up having a tumour even though it is just a cold.” Lysander laughed.

“You also don’t have to put a label on you, not now or ever. Just be who you are.”

“Isak can I ask one more question?”

“Of course you can ask me anything you want.”

“How do I come out?”

Isak sighed “There is no right way. Just do it when you are ready and say what fits in that moment. Like you did with me.”

Lysander nodded but didn’t know what to say.

“Do you want to tell someone?”

“Yes, my pappa.”

“Are you afraid?”

He looked everywhere but at Isak and nodded.

“I don’t think you have to be. He seems like a cool guy.”

He was surprised and looked at Isak “How do you know? Have you finally met him?”

Isak gave him a confused look “I know because of your stories about him. And no I haven’t, am I supposed to?”

It seemed like his pappa didn’t had any luck to today.

“My pappa is your biggest fan and he only comes with me to the hospital to see you.”

Isak laughed “Well, I am flattered. I hope we will meet each other.”

They talked some more about Erik until their time was over.

“Oh I nearly forgot. I brought you some introductory books.”

Lysander was surprised, he hadn’t thought that Isak would take his interest in medicine so seriously. “Thank you that’s awesome!”

“You are welcome! I also wondered if you would like to come to my lecture next week. My best friend is going to talk about children in foster care and their exposure to mental illnesses.”

Lysander couldn’t believe his luck “I would love to.”

“Okay. I will send you the details via email. Let’s get back to the others.”

Lysander was feeling excited. As well as powerful. Like he could defeat any obstacles.

On his way down, in the elevator, the realisation hit him, that he told Isak that he liked Erik. He suddenly felt quite exhausted.

… … … …

 

**Even**

 

Today seemed to be a long session. Lysander had been gone for about 2 hours now and Even couldn’t sit still any more. He made his way out of the hospital, pocketed his book he was reading for tonight's book club.

Even decided to call his mamma.

“Hei it’s me Even, your favourite son!”

He heard his mamma laughing “I only have one son, you git!”

Even had to smile “I am actually calling to ask if you would like to come to Lysander’s and my art show next week on Friday. We thought we could all go watch the parade and then go up for some ice cream, vegetarian hot dogs and paintings. What do you say? You can also bring your husband!”

She laughed and answered “Ja sure, Pappa and I will come. I can make some salad.”

They talked some more about the 17th and when his mamma asked how he was doing Even answered shortly.

“Good, work is fine.”

She just hummed and Even had no choice but to answer truthfully “It’s just this guy... I saw him two times, haven’t really talked to him, and I think he is the most beautiful person I have ever seen… okay maybe after Lysander. I have been constantly thinking about him.”

“Oh Even” he could hear her sigh “are you thinking about asking him out? I think you should, Lysander is old enough, you don’t have to worry about him so much. Follow your heart.”

“You know me too well, Mamma.”

Even rubbed his face. His mamma responded, to him possibly dating, fairly quickly, she must have thought about it before. He felt like he was close to tears. He hadn’t really noticed how this crush had taken a toll on him.

“You haven’t dated in so long. I think you should take this chance and do something about your crush.”

He knew she was right, he still had no idea how to talk to him.

“I might… I don’t know. We will see.”

She sighed “Yeah okay. But don’t wait too long, do you hear me?!”

“Yes, thank you mamma. I will hang up now I can see Lysander. I will try to come over on the weekend.”

“Okay Even. Bye and give Lissy a kiss!”

“I will!”

He hung up and made his way to Lysander.

… … … …

 

**Lysander**

 

“Hei!”

His pappa was suddenly standing in front of him and gave him a kiss on the cheek. He hadn’t noticed him.

Lysander was still emotionally exhausted from his talk with Isak.

“What was that for?” he asked his pappa.

“From grandma. I just talked to her about next week. She can’t wait to see what you have painted.” Ahh, the art show..

“Okay.”

Even looked at Lysander concerned “Is everything alright?”

He nodded “Yeah it is, I am just exhausted.”

To be honest he really was okay. Yes, he was exhausted but he also felt very free like a major weight has been lifted from his shoulders. Telling someone about his crush on Erik was really good. He just had to process his talk with Isak.

Lysander smiled “Let’s go pappa! Don’t you have your book club in an hour?”

His pappa nodded.

Lysander couldn’t help it, he had to tease him “Bea sure is happy to see you today. I bet she is thinking about you right now, as she talks to her snakes.”

Lysander tried to hold back a laugh but failed when he saw his pappa’s face.

“Oh my god, don’t remind me of her!”

… … … …

 


	10. Fredag 13:59 or Being Brave

**Isak**

 

Isak had an awful night. He had too much to think about. First the incident with the handsome man and than his talk with Lysander.

He felt very honoured that Lysander talked so openly with him. He hoped he was alright after their talk and that he some how provided good advise. Isak felt like he was travelling back in time. These feelings and insecurities Lysander had, were once his and he can still remember how it felt to tell someone. After that it only got better, it sounds cliché but it is the truth.

He hoped Lysander was met with positivity when he told people. And hopefully his crush felt the same.

The other part of the night was spend with thinking of the man. This time he even managed to speak but than still made a run for it.

Ugh.. he couldn’t believe that he run again. How pathetic. After spending too much time on thinking about the flustered expression the man gave him, Isak decided to focus, once again, on more important things. Like his mamma, the research and his lecture job.

Because he hadn’t really slept he was right on time as he wished his mamma a good day and left for the hospital. On his way to his seminar he remembered that he had to write an email to Lysander.

… … … …

 

**Lysander**

 

Today Lysander was going to talk to Smilla. He was going to tell her about Erik.

After a restless sleep he made up his mind to tell more people and Smilla seemed to be a good starting point. Lysander was pretty sure that she wouldn’t judge, he didn’t know for sure but was confident to tell her anyway. 

The feeling of relief, after he told Isak, hadn’t left him.

During maths he got an email, and when he checked it afterwards he saw that it was from Isak.

 

To: lysander-bn2002@norwegianmail.no

From: isak.valtersen@uni-oslo.no 

Subject: Next Week’s Lecture

 

Hey Lysander,

 

here are the details for next week. The lecture is taking place at Domus Medica in Gaustad in room 2010 on Tuesday. The lecture starts at 2 pm. I hope you don’t have school, I can’t give you a doctor's note :)

Just wait for me in front of the main entrance and we will go in together.

I hope to see you there!

 

All the best,

Isak

 

_\- Prof. Isak Valtersen  
Head of Neuropsychology Department _

_University of Oslo-_

 

… … … …

 

**Even**

 

Even made his way to the tram with Olav. The dog was very excited and Even was sure the children would love to play and cuddle with him.

Even took Olav to work before and all the kids and Olav had so much fun. The kids had talked about it for weeks. Even couldn’t wait to see their faces.

He also couldn’t wait to see the homophobic dad. Sven and him organised for Even to be there earlier, so that he could greet the children with Olav at the door. If the dad saw Olav he would probably made a scene but they were prepared for that. Yousef, who was the boss, knew about their plan and had given them his approval.

When they rounded the corner to the kindergarten Olav perked up and was even more excited, clearly recognising where they were going.

Sven was already standing at the door and Olav ran up to him and greeted him excited. They chatted for a few minutes when the first child came into the kindergarten and ran up to Olav. They greeted the mum and Even could feel that Sven was as nervous as he was.

In the meantime Even hoped that his wife wouldn’t bring their child, but as luck would have it the dad made his way into the kindergarten. He didn’t see Olav at first, for his eyes were on Sven.

He tried to give Sven an angry look but Sven wasn’t caving in. When he spotted Olav, his jaw dropped and he rapidly looked for his son.

He turned to Even “What does the dog do here? I am sure it isn’t allowed.”

Even said with a cheerful expression “I am sorry to inform you that pets are allowed in this kindergarten. Olav is a very child friendly dog who has been here before. He helps me educate the children on how to behave around animals.”

Even kind of made the last sentence up, Olav was here to play and not to work.

“I can’t tolerate this. I will have to speak to the head teacher about this.”

It was time for Sven to speak up “It seems like you can’t tolerate a lot of things but I am very happy to escort you to our head teacher.” Sven smiled at the dad.

“Come on follow me.”

Even had to hide his laugh, he couldn’t wait to hear what the dad said to Yousef.

“Okay everybody, let’s all go into your classrooms. Olav and I will come by and visit you all!” There was screaming and laughing as he made his way into his own classroom, Olav right behind him.

“Good boy!”

… … … …

 

**Lysander**

 

He sent Smilla a text, asking if she would like to get lunch with him. He knew she would say yes, because who would say no to Kebabs, no one.

After they had ordered they made their way to their favourite bench. The bench is were most of their important talks happened. Here they got together and decided to break up. Here they talked about their problems and struggles.

And today Lysander would tell her that he liked Erik.

“So you know how I have been a bit weird in the last time.” He said around his food, she nodded “It is because of this person I like...”

She turned to him with a big smile and in that moment he knew that she knew what was going on.

“Yeah, I hope it is not me.”

They both had to laugh at her awful joke.

He shook his head “No, no it’s not you but -”

“I am actually a bit offended. You act like it is the most impossible thing. Do I have to remind you that we were together?”

“No you don’t. But don’t interrupt me!”

She held her hands up and gave him a smile

“So it’s not you but you know this person.”

“Can I guess?”

Lysander snorted “Ja you can.”

“Hmm.. Am I supposed to pretend to not know or can I just say it?”

He had to roll his eyes “Go on you mad woman!”

“It’s… Erik.” Smilla looked at him and he looked back and didn’t really know what to say, so he just nodded

“Oh good. You know how much I hate being wrong.”

Lysander was relieved that she didn’t mind but he still had to ask “You don’t mind?”

She shook her head “No I don’t. I saw the way you looked at him and knew that you liked him.”

“Okay” he whispered.

“So what is going on? Does he know?”

“No he doesn’t and I don’t think he likes me the same way I like him. Like we haven’t really talked.”

Smilla looked surprised, did she think they were together?

“Oh okay. I thought you might have talked about it.”

Lysander shrugged “I don’t think any thing is going to happen…”

“Why? I think he likes you.”

“How come you know? I don’t see you two talking to each other.”

Smilla smiled “We don’t talk because I am pretty sure he is jealous of me or thinks we are together. But I saw the way he looked at you. Trust me, he likes you.”

Lysander had no idea what was going on, his ex girlfriend was giving him advice about a boy. “I don’t know what to do. If you are being right than why isn’t he saying anything?”

She gave him an incredulous look “Why aren’t you saying anything?”

He knew she was right.

“Send him a text, ask him out!”

“I can’t -”

“Lysander!”

“Yeah okay! But let me think about it.”

“Fine but don’t take too long or I might steal him!” She laughed at him.

“Don’t you dare! I already regret telling you.” He didn’t.

“No you don’t. Let’s come up with a plan on how to seduce him.”

Lysander had to laugh so hard that he nearly choked on his last bite of Kebab.

… … … …

 

**Even**

 

Even was shopping for the 17th of May with his mamma. He was pushing the shopping trolley and his mamma put various items inside. She looked at her list and they made their way to the next aisle.

When she finally found the right cheese she turned to him.

“Have you thought a bit more about asking this man out?”

Even had thought that she would ask him right after he turned up to his parents house, earlier that the day. He was surprised that she held back so long.

Even rolled his eyes and said “No not really. I was pretty preoccupied by my job. Did I tell you what Olav and I did yesterday?”

“Even I know what you are doing. Stop it! And talk to your mamma.”

“I don’t know what I am doing?” He asked innocently.

She gave him a look and he knew that he was in trouble.

“Even! Come on talk to me about this man.”

He didn’t really feel like talking to his mamma about it but he knew that she wouldn’t leave him alone if he didn’t tell her.

“If you are so interested in other people’s love lives, why don’t you read a romantic book?” He teased but when he turned around to look at her, he could see that she was close to throwing the loaf of bread she held in her hand.

“Okay, okay. I will tell you. Calm down! The people are already looking at us.”

She put the bread into the shopping cart and gave him her full attention.

He told her about how he met him and how he couldn’t believe his luck when he saw him the second time. He didn’t mention that he behaved like a shy teenager but he told her that the man had invaded his thoughts.

“Do you think I could make him happy?” He asked her.

This was something that was constantly on his mind. Was he good enough for another person to love him? Could he love a person the way they needed to be loved? He tried to give these doubts not much thought but all the thinking about the man let them emerge again.

His mamma shook her had sadly and when she looked up he was sure he could see some tears in her eyes.

“My boy, my little baby.” She took a deep breath and took his hands “When will you realise that you are perfect the way you are. I know without a doubt that you can make people really happy. Look at Lysander, he is the happiest boy I have ever met. And that is because of you. Pappa and I are also really happy and proud of you. So of course you can make this man happy.”

Even hadn’t planned to have such an emotional talk with his mamma surrounded by bread. He had to really concentrate, in order to not start crying as well.

“Thank you mamma.” He grabbed the shopping trolley again and started pushing “Lets get this shopping done so that we can hang out with pappa and Lysander.”

She gently touched his face and followed him.

“I can’t believe you just called me, your 38 years old son, a ‘little baby’!”

… … … …

 

 

**Lysander**

 

He was visiting his grandparents on Saturday when he got Erik’s text, but he was too immersed in a discussion with his granddad, that he didn’t immediately saw it.

 

11:25

Hei :) The following will probably sound weird but I hope it doesn’t change anything.

I just wanted to ask if you would like to go out?

With me?

 

12:03

You don’t have to say yes…

Just forget I asked!

12:05

Hey, I didn’t see your text until now

(texts?) :)

I am sorry but I don’t really get what you’re asking

Sorry that I am so dumb!

 

He really had no idea what he meant. He didn’t want to get his hopes up and think that Eric was asking him out on a date. Maybe he was just messing with him? Maybe he found out about his crush and was now teasing him? Or Smilla did send him a message saying that she wasn’t together with Lysander, like she suggested yesterday.

She presented him with several ideas on how to ask him out and in the end he didn’t do anything. He was too afraid. Smilla was disappointed, so maybe she really did send him something. But that wasn’t like Smilla. Erik wasn’t answering but he could see that he had read the messages.

Lysander clicked on his chat with Smilla.

 

23:35

I am home! Alive :)

I wanted to say that I am really proud of you!

Go Lissy! :)

22:36

Hahhaaha :)

love you

 

He had to smile at their texts from last night. His grandpa noticed it and asked if he was texting with his lover. He wished, he had to laugh “No it’s just Smilla.”

 

12:09

Hey you!

Did you send a text to Erik?

12:09

No I didn’t

Is this your way of asking if I can do it????

No! Absolutely not. We aren’t 12 years old.

You sure behave like one..

Don’t insult me.

Erik just send me this:

_Hei :) The following will probably sound weird but I hope it doesn’t change anything._

_I just wanted to ask if you would like to go out?_

_With me?_

What does that mean???

Help!!!!!!

Oh MY GOD..

He is brave!!

What do you mean??

He is asking you out!!!!

You are an idiot

Did you answer him?

Ja I asked him what he meant

He hasn’t responded

Your name should be Idiot

your pappa thought too highly of you when he

gave you such a sophisticated name

…

 

Okay

Real advice now

Send him another text and say you would love to go out with him!

Okay. I am freaking out

and grandpa is looking at me weird…

Go get your man!

He is not my man

not yet :)

 

Lysander’s hands were shaking. His grandpa was giving him concerned looks. He felt like he had a heart attack. Not that he knew what that felt like.

 

12:05

Hey, I didn’t see your text until now

(texts?) :)

I am sorry but I don’t really get what you’re asking

Sorry that I am so dumb!

12:21

Sorry I am useless

I would love to go out with you!

12:26

Oh…

Really?

Ja!

I hope you are not messing with me!

No I am not

Okay

I am just so surprised you said yes

(are you messing with me?)

I am surprised you asked

(I am not!!)

My sister forced me

But you want to right?

Or is she making you write all of these texts?

Hello am I talking to Erik’s sister??

:) I want to.

I was just too afraid to ask

and I thought you wouldn’t like me like this and then Smilla…

what about Smilla?

I thought you were together?!

I know I am stupid

ah okay. Ja we are not

but we were

but not anymore

I was also too afraid to ask

Good! After Emil from English told me I had to ask.

But I am really glad you said yes

Me too!

When do you want to meet?

Do you have time next Saturday?  
We could go to that burger place?

Yes! Let’s do that!  


He texted Smilla who was freaking out and asked to meet him immediately.

… … … …

 

 


	11. A Lecture

**Even**

 

Even met Yousef on Tuesday, they both had their short day and so they took the opportunity to hang out.

They went to a children and dog friendly cafe and had some late lunch. Yousef brought Esra his 2 year old. Olav was sitting next to her pram and watched out for her.

They talked about work really briefly before he told Yousef about the hospital man.

After he had seen him last week he decided to tell Bea that he was not interested, like at all. Even if they were the last people on earth. She had flirted with him during their entire book meeting and Even was sick of it. Especially now that he was crushing on someone.

“I need to get her of my back.”

Yousef just laughed “Just say: ‘Hey Bea I am not interested in you. Stop flirting.’”

Even rolled his eyes and bent down to give Esra her toy, that she dropped. “I can’t do that. I will constantly worry if I hurt her. You know me...”

“Yeah.. but how will you get rid of her if you are not saying anything?”

“This is why I have you! You are supposed to tell me what to do.”

“Am I now?”

Even nodded. Yousef thought for several minutes before he lit up “Man I have got the best idea ever!”

Even made a gesture to say _go on_.

“Why don’t you say it with a book?”

“What do you mean? Should I look for a book that says I am not interested in you, rather into a strange man!? Yousef, you had better ideas in the past!”

“No, you need to find a book that suggests that you are into men.”

“She choose Oscar Wilde.”

“Then your book has to have a gay story”

“Okay but just because I like a book with a gay topic, it will not automatically mean I like men as well.”

“Then you have to sell the idea when you are presenting your book.”

Even didn’t get it and looked perplexed at Yousef.

“You say something like, that it was so real because you felt like that with your ex boyfriend or something”

Even wasn’t really convinced but he felt like this was after all the best option. Yousef seemed to notice that.

“Or just go to your next meeting covered in pan flags!”

Even and Yousef couldn’t stop laughing for 10 minutes, and as they started to stop Even added “You know me, I might just do that”

And as they started laughing again Even thought how lucky he was, having a friend like Yousef.

… … … …

 

**Jonas**

 

He waited for him in front of the university because Isak invited him, to talk about children with mental illnesses he met during his work as a social worker.

But as usually Isak ran late. A lot had changed since their school years but not Isak being late for everything.

Jonas noticed a guy who was quite nervous and wondered if he was on his way to an exam. Was it even exam season?

Jonas was about to call Isak when he rounded the corner on his bike.

His hair looked like he had last brushed it several days ago, definitely not this morning. His outfit was that of a teenager, washed out shirt, wrinkled and way too big and his jeans looked not that different. One might wondered why he was not wearing a snapback.

Jonas wondered why Isak never bought himself more professional clothes, he certainly earned enough money.

Isak came to a stop right in front of him and in the process of getting of his bike several sheets of paper fell out of his leather bag.

“Man, I have no idea how you managed to become a Professor. You are the most unorganised person I have ever met, and you have met my girlfriend!”

Isak just laughed and gave him a hug.

The nervous kid was now helping them with picking up Isak’s sheets.

“Thank you Lysander, I am very happy that you came!” Jonas heard Isak saying to the boy.

Isak introduced them quickly “Jonas meet Lysander, Lysander meet Jonas, my best friend.”

They shook hands and Isak added, “Lysander is helping me with a project and he is really interested in the brain development of children with mental illnesses, even though he is just a school boy!”

Lysander looked a bit embarrassed but still laughed. Isak’s humour had always been a bit cringy, but he didn’t care.

“Well Isak is an expert in this field so you came to the right man” Jonas said to Lysander.

“Okay guys, we have to run. I can’t be late for third time this week! Come on!” Isak shouted as he already ran up the stairs.

Jonas and Lysander didn’t have a choice but to follow Isak.

… … … …

 

**Lysander**

 

The lecture was really interesting and Isak was a great professor.

After Jonas finished talking he came and sat next to him. He seemed to be a really cool and easy going guy. Lysander guessed he was the friend Isak came out to but he wasn’t really sure.

They laughed together whenever Isak made a dumb joke or messed up his presentation.

Not much was written on his lecture slides, so the students had to take a lot of notes. They all did. Everybody was listening with interest, maybe a bit trance like. He got it. He was probably not looking any different. The topic was still interesting, even though Lysander didn’t understand everything.

Isak was running from one corner of the lecture hall to the other and Lysander was quite sure that he would jump on a table next. He looked like a stereotypical mad professor.

Next to him Jonas smiled proudly at Isak.

… … … …

 

**Isak**

 

Isak knew that he was behaving a bit like a madman. He was just so passionate about this topic and Jonas held such a good talk. He knew he was nervous but Jonas was really good.

Isak hoped that Lysander understood at least half of what he was saying, with all these medical terms he wasn’t really sure.

He looked at them both and smiled when his least favourite student of this class was asking questions again. If he would listen than he would have the answers. Isak still answered his questions.

At the end of the lecture he felt out of breath. Like he had worked out. He guessed that he had, with all this running.

He showed a bit off in front of Jonas and Lysander. But who was going to blame him. He was proud of his work and what he taught.

Lysander and Jonas made their way to him.

“Hey, did you like it? Did you understand some of the things I talked about?” He asked them.

Both said they had and thought that he was really awesome.

“We can go to the cafe and get something to eat?”

Jonas agreed but Lysander said that he was meeting his dad and so they said their goodbyes but not without Lysander thanking him again.

“Thank you so much for inviting me. It was really impressive. See you on Thursday!”

With that he was gone and Isak was left wondering about his mysterious dad. He hoped that he would meet him on Thursday.

He turned to Jonas who looked at him with a weird expression.

“What is going on? Are you alright?”

Jonas rolled his eyes “Ja, I am just really proud of you. I haven't been to one of your lectures in ages. Don’t give me that look. Let’s just get something to eat!”

… … … …

 


	12. Finally

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Something there is moves me to love, and I  
> Do know I love, but know not how, nor why.  
> \- Alexander Brome

**Lysander**

 

It was Saturday, the day after Friday but more importantly the day of the date.

The whole week he was jittery and him and Erik gave each other these looks. They hadn’t talked about the date in person but both confirmed over texts that they still wanted to go.

So this found Lysander standing in front of the restaurant, nearly collapsing because of his nerves. He was so nervous that he nearly puked. His mouth was dry and breathing was hard. He needed to think about something, to distract him. He couldn't be that nervous in front of Erik.

He had a good day yesterday. The art show was a success, all of their friends and family liked there paintings. His pappa was a bit unsure of his work but as the day went on he seemed to relax. Smilla was there and they didn’t really talked about Erik or the date. She could probably sense that he was nervous.

He had called her 2 hours ago, in need of help. He hadn’t had a clue what to wear. Fortunately his pappa was already out, celebrating the defeat over the homophobic dad with Sven. Smilla came over and they found an outfit which made his best features pop, not his words but Smilla’s. She had left with him promising to come over after the date.

Lysander was a bit early, he wondered if he should go in and order himself a drink. Would that be rude? Would Erik think that he wasn’t really interested? He didn’t had to freak out too long.

Erik was coming towards him and he looked better than he usually did.

Lysander wouldn’t have thought that it were possible, but it was. His smile got wider as Erik came closer.

When he stood in front of him, they both had no idea how to greet each other. They looked at each other and laughed. In the end they hugged and made their way inside.

… … … …

 

**Even**

 

Even was in a club. He had no idea when he last went to one, it had definitely been a long time. Sven had convinced him to go, after they had celebrated their revenge on the homophobic dad.

This was apparently Sven’s favourite club, it was a LGBT friendly club. Sven was nice enough to point out that he could also meet women here, when they first entered the club. He was shocked when Even told him that he was actually pansexual and quickly added that he could also meet other genders there.

During the whole night he hadn’t danced with anybody. If someone came over he declined. It didn’t feel right to dance with someone or even hook up. His thoughts went back to the hospital man. It felt like cheating. Like he was together with him. As weird as that sounded, Even felt like a cheater.

Even checked the time on his phone, it just turned midnight. When Even looked up again he noticed a beautiful man. He had is back turned to him and it was quite dark but he somehow knew that he must have been beautiful.

Eyes on the back of the man, Even made his way onto the dance floor. The song was changing.

… … … …

 

**Isak**

 

Isak had a shitty day today and in order to forget his worries, he decided to go out.

He had lost track of time but guessed that it was close to midnight. He should probably leave soon. He had hoped to meet someone tonight, maybe find someone to make out with. He had no luck today.

Suddenly he felt a hand touching his shoulder and when he turned around he couldn’t breath. Behind the guy who had just touched him, Isak could see the man from the hospital.

_Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! (A Man After Midnight)_ played as the man’s eyes found Isak’s.

They both moved and Isak was sure the man recognised him as well.

The man came towards him, several people came into their line of vision but not once they lost eye contact. Those blue ones were set on him. He moved too slow for Isak’s liking.

Think of something to say was the last thought Isak had before the man had reached him.

“Hei I am Isak!” Isak had to lean up a bit to reach his ear. The music loud in the background.

The beautiful man smiled and introduced himself as well “I am Even!”

Even.

He finally had a name. Isak mouthed his name to himself and smiled.

They somehow started dancing, in the back of his mind he took notice of the music changing. He had no idea to which song they now danced. He had only eyes for the man in front of him. The world around them stopped. They only existed for each other in that moment. All those people around them forgotten, like they were the only people in the club. Only Even and Isak. Where Even moved Isak moved with him, they had found a rhythm. If it was suitable to the music wasn’t important to them. They didn’t need the music.

He had to look at Even’s lips several times. They looked so kissable. Isak had to kiss him there was no way around it.

So he did and it was a bit clumsily at first, both too eager. Like they had both been waiting for it. They slowed down, which only intensified their kiss. Their first kiss. Not the first of the night but the first in their relationship. Isak was sure that he would see Even again. And again.

Even’s hands roamed over his back and Isak slipped his own under his shirt. The touch was electrifying. Both their backs were sweaty from their dancing. Isak could feel his muscles working.

They were so close to one another, he could feel Even’s hair tickling his face. His senses were in overdrive. They noticed every little movement. His breath on his neck, the throbbing of his heart.

They kissed for a few more minutes before Even pulled back. A whine escaped Isak’s lips. This couldn’t be the end. Isak wanted more.

Even gave him one more kiss before he asked “Do you want to go home with me?”

Isak was lost for words and just nodded.

… … … …

 

**Even**

 

He didn’t think... everything fell into place. He couldn’t believe that he just invited him home. He had never done something like that before. Be reckless.

Luckily Lysander wasn’t home.

On their way to Even’s flat they didn’t stop kissing once. Even had troubles opening the front door, the kisses on the back of his neck distracted him from the simple task. He turned aroudn several times to kiss him again. When he opened the door, Olav was greeting them, he wanted to ask if it was okay that he had a dog but when he turned around he found the man already kneeling on the floor, petting Olav.

“Oh you have a dog? How cool. I always wanted one but my dad wouldn’t allow it.”

Olav greeted him as if he had met him before, attacking him with licks and nearly knocking him off his feet.

Even tried to get his attention back on him but he hadn’t had any luck. He was too busy playing with Olav.

“Hey I am just going to go and lay down on my bed… naked!”

That got him his attention. In a second he was standing in front of Even and attached himself to his mouth. They stumbled into the bedroom nearly knocking off a painting that hung on the wall.

Even laid himself down and was quickly attacked by kisses all over his face.

Even leaned back a bit and said “You are the most beautiful person I have ever seen.”

There wasn’t much talking after that.

… … … …

 

**Lysander**

 

“The date didn’t really go as planned. I will just go home and tell you everything tomorrow, okay?” Lysander was on the phone with Smilla.

“Are you alright? I can come over if you want!”

“No don’t worry it wasn’t as bad. I just want to go home and sleep. I promise to call tomorrow.”

He heard Smilla sigh “Okay!”

On his way to the tram he texted his pappa.

… … … …

 

**Even**

 

Even felt good, so good. He stood up, pushed the curtains aside and opened the door to the balcony. The moon was its fullest this month. When he looked back he saw the man, illuminated by the moon. He couldn't believe his luck, he had hoped for this moment, and now that it was here he couldn't comprehend it.

He seemed to be already asleep. Even tip toed out to the bathroom, hoping he would not wake Olav.

When Even came back from the bathroom he wasn’t expecting to find his son cuddling the asleep man in his bed.

Lysander noticed him standing in the doorway.

No one moved. The only movement in the room was that of the curtains which were moved by the wind. Even arched an eyebrow and was the first to whisper “What the hell is going on?”

Lysander shrugged and got up, waking the man next to him. Who looked up with a sleepy expression.

Lysander turned to look at the person beside him and screamed “Isak?”

Even was confused, why did Lysander knew his name? Isak?

“Oh, your name is Isak I thought it was Iver”

Isak was laughing so hard he couldn’t talk. Lysander was embarrassed, a bit red in the cheeks. Lysander was nearly out of the room when he said “We can talk tomorrow.”

“No wait. We will talk now.”

Even turned to Isak who appeared to have composed himself.

“Why did you understand Ivar?” Isak had to laugh again

“It was loud!”

“But they don’t even sound the same.”

“Don’t mock me, it is already embarrassing as it is.” Even rolled his eyes and had to laugh, he quitly added “And I was also busy looking at you.”

Even was so confused, he turned back around to Lysander, who was looking at them. “How do you know each other? I am clearly missing something.”

“Pappa meet Prof. Dr. Dr. Isak Valtersen!” Lysander said, he looked a bit sad all of the sudden. “Can I go to bed now? I am really tired.”

Even was stunned, this couldn’t be happening. “No let’s talk in the living room.” He saw him rolling his eyes “Lissy! Something is clearly upsetting you.”

Even looked at Isak once again “Nice to meet you professor! I will be right back.”

Isak didn’t even react, the reality must have sunken in.

… … … …

 

**Isak**

 

Did this really just happen? Was the man, who just worshipped him, Lysander’s pappa? And also the man who he was pining after? It was way too late for Isak to form a reasonable thought.

Isak could hear them talking in the living room.

“You went on a date with Erik? Who is Erik? Do I know him?”

Lysander laughed “Ja, you do. The guy with the brown eyes? The little afro?”

Even mumbled something. And then Lysander asked “Why is Isak in your bed? I didn’t know you liked guys?”

Now it was Even’s turn to laugh “Are you serious?”

He couldn’t hear the answer but Even said “I told you that I went out with Tom from work, before.” Lysander laughed “I am so stupid. I didn’t think it was a date I thought you went out as friends.” Isak heard them talking some more, but tuned them out as he thought it was not his place to listen to them.

He decided to leave, he searched for his clothes and put them on. After he found his sock, he tried to sneak out. He had to go past the living room. He nearly made it to the front door when he heard “Isak?”

He turned around and saw Even.

“Stay where you are.”

Isak stopped in his tracks, Even must have seen his terrified expression and quickly added “Or not if you have somewhere to be?!” He more asked than said.

He could see Lysander giving him a small smile, as he poked his head out of the doorway.

“I guess I will stay?” Isak noticed how unsure he sounded and added “I will stay!”

Even let out a breath “Okay. I will come to bed in a moment.”

Isak nodded and before he left he turned to Lysander “I guess the date didn’t work out?”

Even looked at him with big eyes but before he could say anything Lysander said “No not really. We decided to stay friends.”

Isak gave him a reassuring smile and left for bed. He was tired.

The last thing he heard before he fell asleep, was Even asking Lysander “Why does Isak know?”

“Because I told him on Thursday.”

… … … …

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally...  
> ❤️


	13. Realisation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh what a dear ravishing thing is the beginning of an armour.  
> – Aphra Behn

**Lysander**

 

The next morning Lysander heard noises from the kitchen. He hoped his pappa was alone, that Isak had already left, so that they could talk. But as he rounded the corner Isak stood next to the sink…

“Good morning.”

Isak startled “Oh! Hei, good morning.”

Lysander smiled.

“I am so sorry that last night happened. I had no idea it was your dad. I hope you don’t hate me.”

Lysander shook his head “No don’t worry. I have to admit that I find it really weird but it’s okay.”

Isak nodded and looked around in the kitchen.

“I have to walk Olav but make yourself at home, if you want. Pappa usually doesn’t sleep in.”

He didn’t wait for Isak’s answer, just made his way outside with Olav.

The date with Erik wasn’t really a disaster. While they ate their burgers Lysander noticed how awkward it was and how no one knew what to say. In the end they talked about the usual things. It didn’t really felt like a date. He brought Erik home and they talked some more on the way. The nervous, exited feeling of a crush vanished. They had actually kissed but they both felt like they were kissing a friend. Lysander had felt completely different when he had first kissed Smilla. They quickly realised that they worked better as friends.

Lysander had no idea why he had a crush on him but he guessed that he misinterpreted his attraction for a crush. After all, he was still pretty new at this liking boys thing. He didn’t regret going on the date, he felt light, all the tension was out and he had a feeling that their friendship would be stronger.

His coming out with his pappa went really well. He was relived, but he was also a bit disappointed too.

What was is it that he wanted? To surprise him? Why had it been so easy? Because his pappa knew him? In all honesty he thought how lucky he was, many people faced negativity after their coming out but he actually got a coming out in return. He had no clue, why he had missed that his pappa was pansexual. His coming out would make a good story to tell in the future.

Lysander walked by the bakery and decided to surprise Isak and his pappa with a few pastries.

… … … …

 

**Even**

 

When he woke up Isak wasn’t in bed next to him. He hoped he hadn’t left, like he tried to last night. He felt quite bad for commanding that Isak had to stay. Who did that? Asking your one night stand who wanted to leave to stay. Was Isak a one night stand? Was this taking hostage? But then Isak could have left if he really wanted to or had Even threatened him? He couldn’t really remember if he said something stupid after they went to bad, Even being too sleepy after the amazing sex.

Oh god, he had sex with Isak, the literal man of his dreams… the supervisor of his son, who was also like a therapist or friend to him. Even was fucked…

He turned around and picked up his phone. He saw a few texts from Lysander, that he had sent the night before.

 

01:59

I am coming home now I am not staying at Smilla’s.

I guess you are still out. I will wait in your bed. Love You.

 

Even hadn’t processed the events from last night. He hoped Lysander and Isak were okay.

He went into the kitchen and found them talking and joking. They didn’t notice him and he kept watching them. They were trying to come up with a plan to annoy Thomas.

As he was listening to them he realised that Isak didn’t mind that he had a son. He didn’t had to have the talk, where he explained that he was not alone, that he had this amazing person who he cared about the most.

Isak gave Lysander a side hug and looked at him like he deeply cared. For Even it was like seeing someone for who they really were and what you wished to see in a person, and than this person was fulfilling that. Isak’s face was flushed with colour, he looked down to his bare feet and all Even could see was his hair. It looked golden this morning. His curls were wilder than they had been last night. Even thought, he was beautiful. Truly beautiful.

Even felt so much, nearly too much.

Then Isak turned around, saw him, his face lit up and he smiled at him “Do you have coffee?”

Even smiled back “Sorry, we don’t believe in coffee.”

… … … …

 

**Isak**

 

Isak wasn’t sure if he heard Even correctly “You don’t believe in coffee?”

Even shook his head and he could hear Lysander laughing, who watched them with an amused smile on his lips.

“How do you survive? I basically run on coffee.”

Even shook his head in disbelief and made his way further into the kitchen “Sorry, we only have tea or water.”

He gave his son a hug and looked a bit lost at Isak. He probably thought about the same thing. How much PDA was alright in front of Lysander?

Even reached up into the cupboards. His shirt lifted up a bit and Isak could make out light bruises, that he had probably left there.

He thought back to their amazing night and how he had never felt so vulnerable, and yet so safe at the same time. He felt valuable with Even. He felt so understood even though they didn’t really talked. But with his touches he showed Isak that he understood what he needed and that he cared about him, his needs. Sometimes actions did speak louder than words. Isak didn’t think that he had felt like that, ever before.

Isak was getting turned on again, just by thinking about last night and Even. Even’s mouth on his body, the sounds he made, the way he smiled.

He got reminded by Lysander’s laugh that he couldn’t just jump on Even right now, here in the kitchen. It would probably traumatise Lysander for the rest of his life.

Even and Lysander talked as if nothing out of the ordinary happened. A tea was put in front of Isak, as Lysander and Even set the table. Like this was not affecting Even at all.

Was he the only one who felt so strongly? He hoped not.

He had no idea if it was possible to feel so much after just one night. He could see himself waking up next to Even in the future. Even meeting his mamma, grocery shopping and them hanging out as a family.

No. Lysander probably didn’t want that. Up until now he hadn’t thought about Lysander. During their talks he had mentioned how weird he would find it if his pappa would have a partner, as they had always been the two of them. Isak was probably disturbing their Sunday routine. He should go home.

When he looked up from his tea he saw Even looking at him, a smile on his face.

“Don’t you like the bread? I should have made porridge!”

Lysander rolled his eyes and laughed

“We probably have toast as well. Lysander could you get Isak the toast, please?”

Isak was torn, should he go and leave them alone? But it didn’t appear to him that Even wanted him to leave. He was probably just polite.

“Don’t worry! I should get going anyway.”

Even’s smile faded and for a second he looked disappointed but he quickly nodded “Yeah of course. Sorry that I made you stay.”

They both moved to the front door, Isak turned around and if he didn’t know better Lysander looked a bit sad, he probably was sad about Erik.

“Bye Lysander!”

“Hmm, yeah bye.” A hint of disappointment in his voice.

Even stood by the door with Olav “Here is my number if you want to get in touch. You obviously don’t have to.”

He looked really shy all of the sudden, Isak couldn’t have him thinking that it meant nothing to him and so he leant in and gave him a kiss. One kiss quickly turned into a little make out session until Lysander yelled “I can hear you, you know!”

Even was the first to step back, hands in his pockets as if he had to physically stop himself from touching Isak again. Like if he would let them they would just reached out.

“It was really nice to meet you Even” Isak gave him a hug and Even sighed in his neck, kissed him there. “I had a great time.”

Even nodded but didn’t say anything.

“I guess I will see you around?!”

“Yeah I guess...” Even answered at last.

Isak petted Olav one more time and left.

As he waited for his tram he realised how dumb his exit was. He behaved like a weirdo, like he seemed to do whenever he was around Even.

He guessed awkward-Isak was back.

… … … …

 

 


	14. Jump

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, baby if you want me  
> You've got to show me love  
> \- Sam Feldt, Show Me Love

**Lysander**

 

His pappa had called in sick this morning. He wasn’t actually sick, he was heartbroken. After Isak left yesterday he hadn’t been in a good mood and spend the whole day on the sofa, watching romantic films.

At first Lysander thought it was a bit funny but after he started to watch a third film he understood that his pappa was really devastated.

He was shocked to see Isak leave before they even managed to have breakfast. He thought that Isak was a caring guy and wouldn’t just leave. But then again he only ever met Isak in his work setting, he might did this on a regular.

Lysander wanted to stay home and look after his pappa but he didn’t allowed it and practically forced him to school. If he was honest he wanted to stay home for a selfish reason as well.

He had no idea how to act around Erik any more. It was probably going to be awkward. What did you say to guy who you went on a date with? That wasn’t even successful.

Lysander stood in front of the school, contemplating if he should just skip but than Smilla discovered him and waved. If he turned around now, she would start to yell and would drew attention to him.

… … … …

 

**Even**

 

He was staying at home today. He felt a bit bad for his kindergarten kids but he hadn’t got the energy to get up. And who was going to blame him if he was taking the day off, to have a self care day.

He had watched Romeo & Juliet right after breakfast, and it left him feeling a bit better. He was after all not the only one with a tragic love story.

Could you even call it a love story if you just spend one night together. He guessed so, after having such an immediate emotional connection. When he saw Isak in the club he had thought instantly that it was fate, that they would be together in the future.

After he quickly went out with Olav, Even decided to declutter some of the drawers. In one of them he found old photos of Lysander.

He found photos from their first real vacation, when they drove to Sweden for a week. Lysander was 5 and really excited, he talked about his holiday to everybody. He told people on the tram where they were going and the night before they left for Sweden he hadn’t really slept. Which turned out to be a good thing, as he slept during most of the road trip.

Even remembered how anxious he felt. It was the first time they went on vacation alone, without his parents. The holiday was a success and Lysander talked about it for whole month afterwards.

On the bottom of the drawer Even found the pictures he took in the hospital, right after Lysander was born. He was really red and wrinkled.

When Even saw Lysander for the first time his world stopped. In that moment he knew that he would do anything to protect his son.

At the beginning of the pregnancy Even had a manic episode, when the depression hit him he only got through it because he was thinking about his baby. He decided then to do anything to prevent episodes, to take his medication, to put up a routine and to cut back on partying all the time. His life style change did help but of course he couldn’t ultimately stop episodes from happening. But Lysander and himself got through them, with a little help from his parents.

As he was looking at baby Lysander he recalled the first time he told his parents about the name. They were surprised, not expecting such a unique name. Even had still worked as a painter and he had a job at a local theatre to paint the background for the adaption of _A Midsummer Night’s Dream_. He had read it before but whenever the actors rehearsed Even was mesmerised by the story. The guy who hired him didn’t mind that he had to take a break from the job when he had his episode and so they became friends. The whole production meant so much to him that when Lysander’s mother told him that she was pregnant with a boy, he decided to name him Lysander. She didn’t mind as she wasn’t looking forward to becoming a mother.

When Lysander showed the first symptoms of bipolar Even was devastated. He had hoped that he wouldn’t pass it on but he most likely did. He never wanted to have biological children. This didn’t mean that he did not love Lysander from the first moment he heard about his existence but he hoped so much that his child wouldn’t had to deal with it.

Bipolar, this big word that at first felt like a life sentence. Not any more. But it was still the source of his insecurities. His struggle with relationships and now Isak…

Isak who knew more about mental illnesses than any other person. He wondered how he would handle his bipolar if he would get a chance with him. With Isak it was probably going to be different but he still found it unfair to him. What if he would leave work and came home to Even and had to take care of him, after a day around mental illnesses, instead of relaxing.

Why was he even thinking about that. Isak made it clear with his departure that he wasn’t looking for a relationship.

It was better this way. Especially for Lysander. It would only disrupt their routine if he would have a partner all of the sudden. They had build up their routine over years and it really helped them. Even couldn’t ask that of Lysander. It would only be selfish.

… … … …

 

**Lysander**

 

Lysander came home from school and saw his pappa in the same position he had left him in. The only thing that had changed were the photos lying on the table. His pappa was asleep, he didn’t have the heart to wake him.

He decided to cook his pappa his favourite meal, spaghetti. Lysander tried to find all of the ingredients but saw that his pappa didn’t go shopping. He went back into the living room and saw him waking up.

“Hei I wanted to make spaghetti but we don’t have anything to eat.”

His pappa looked up at him and Lysander was able to see the dark circles under his eyes. He wasn’t going to leave him sulking in self-pity.

“Come on you are coming shopping with me!”

His pappa rolled his eyes and was about to say something but Lysander was not having it. “No! No arguing! No one is worth it if they leave you like that.”

Even sighed “I fell like you are the parent…” But he got up and put on his clothes.

As he was waiting for his pappa Lysander decided to get Isak’s number. Maybe there was still hope.

His pappa appeared in the doorway, looking better than before.

“Okay, let’s go!”

… … … …

 

**Isak**

 

It was Wednesday, 3 days since he had left.

He looked out of the window in his office, he had a nice view of the campus and saw all these people moving on with their day. But he was stuck inside. Stuck in his life.

He regretted leaving Even on Sunday. The more often he recalled the events, the more often he realised how sad Even really was. Lysander seemed sad as well. He had really fucked up.

Isak had no idea what to do. Should he reach out or should he leave Even alone.

He still felt like he would impose himself on their life. He didn’t want to do casual either. He wanted to be together from the start. He liked to spend all of his free time with his boyfriends, which had been a trouble before. He was too clingy for some of them. But how should this work with Lysander, he probably didn’t want to share his pappa all the time. Before he could entertain those thoughts any longer he had to ask if he would even be allowed to be in a relationship with the father of one of his research kids.

He called Aminata into his office. She usually gave good advice.

“Hey boss, what’s up?”

He had to smile “Can I ask you something more private?” She nodded and so he continued “Okay I have met this guy over the weekend and it was really nice…. So I want to hang out with him again but the problem is that he has a son.”

Aminata looked at him with big eyes “I am sorry but I don’t see a problem there.”

Isak took a deep breath, he was feeling embarrassed to talk about it with his student assistant. “It wouldn’t be a problem if the son wouldn’t be part of my study.”

“Oh...”

“Yeah, so what do I do? Am I even allowed to meet the father?”

Aminat thought about it but she gave him a shrug and said “I don’t know. You should ask the guys from the legal department. The ones who supervise studies.”

Aminat was right, why didn’t he thought about that. This whole event was confusing him.

“Could you find out their number, so that I could call them.”

Aminata was getting up and was nearly out of the room when Isak said “Thank you. I know that it is not in your work contract to give your boss a pep talk.” She laughed and Isak added “This stays between us, right?”

She gave him a teasing smile “For now at least. I might use it to blackmail you.”

An hour later Isak stood in front of an office. He was nervous to talk about his private life but he needed to find out if this thing with Even could go somewhere. As it turned out the legal consultant was Astrid, whom he knew for a few years now. After a nice talk with her he found out that he was allowed to meet family members in his free time but that the participant had to decide if he still wanted to have talks or therapy meetings with Isak.

He had to discuss things with Lysander but he was now legally allowed to hang out with Even.

When he met with his research team to talk about their progress he heard that a boy had tried to get Isak’s number.

On Tuesday Isak didn’t go to the meeting, he couldn’t face Lysander. Not now. He knew that it was ridiculous, that he was a grown man but his actions actually showed that he behaved like a teenager most of the time.

The team members didn’t gave his number to the boy but he immediately knew it was Lysander. He decided to reach out to Even, he had his number already saved in his contacts. The only problem was, that he had no idea what to send him.

… … … …

 

**Even**

 

 

It was Friday when Even had to face his fears.

He went back to work on Tuesday and talked to Yousef about his incident with Isak. He told him that the right ones won’t leave or at least would come back. He so desperately wanted to believe him. Since than he felt a bit better, of course he still wanted Isak but he had no idea how and when.

Lysander and him decided to leave the city over the weekend, go up to the family cabin and go hiking. He was looking forward to it. Maybe the change of scenery would help him deal with his feelings for Isak.

There was only one problem. Lysander had a research meeting at the hospital in the late afternoon. In order to catch the last train Even had to go with him, bags and Olav in tow.

As he was waiting for Lysander to be finished, Even thought about how much had changed since the last time he was at the hospital. He wanted nothing more than to meet him. The Isak who was the professor and the Isak who was the beautiful stranger. But now he wanted nothing more than to be out of here, he really didn’t want to see him. Or worse, to run in to him.

Even was therefore hiding behind the trees. He tried to disguise it, he pretended it was Olav who wanted to sniff at the trees and that was why he stood there. He was ridiculous, he could already see Lysander’s face when he would come out and see him.

On their way here Lysander had tried to convince him to talk with Isak. He even offered to give him his number again, he suggested that maybe he just lost it and hadn’t therefore contacted Even. He doubted that it was the truth.

Lysander laughed when he spotted him behind a tree.

“What are you doing? Hiding in the shadows? It doesn’t really work, you know.” He said when he approached them.

”Can we leave?” Even said whilst trying to put on his backpack “I don’t want to miss the train.” Lysander looked at him and just shook his head “Sure you only want to get out of here because of the train. This has got nothing to do with Isak.”

Even rolled his eyes “Come on. Here take Olav. We are not going to talk about Isak this weekend, okay?”

Lysander was about to answer when he looked over Even’s shoulder. “Oh look there is Isak, lets go over there and say hello. I haven’t had the chance to talk to him.”

With that he left and Even had to follow, or else he would look like an idiot. More than he already did.

“Hei Isak!” he could hear Lysander greeting him, Isak looked a bit surprised to see him “Oh hey. How are you? Did everything went alright today?”

“Ja, I just wanted to say hello because we hadn’t really had the chance to talk.”

Isak looked at Even when he reached them. None of the men said anything. Just then Even noticed the woman standing next to Isak.

She cleared her throat “Hei, I am Isak’s mamma.”

Isak looked like he just remembered that his mother was standing next to him “Yeah… right… these are Lysander and Even. Lysander is part of my research.”

She nodded and seemed to pick up on the tension “You have a really cute dog” she tried to stir the conversation to a safer topic.

But it only reminded Even, how happy Isak was when he saw Olav.

“What’s his name?”

As Lysander answered Even took the opportunity to truly look at Isak. He looked a bit tired, as if he hadn’t really slept. There was a sadness in his eyes, one would miss it if they didn’t know how his eyes normally looked. There wasn’t the usual shine in them. Isak still looked beautiful. The way he listened to the conversation, this undivided attention he gave both his mother and Lysander. Even couldn’t help it, he had to smile and when Isak’s eyes found his they both smiled. Like it was all going to work out…

“I am sorry to interrupt but we really have to get going.” Even said whilst not breaking eye contact with Isak.

… … … …

 

**Isak**

 

He hadn’t stopped thinking about Even. On their way home Isak was too distracted by Even to have a conversation with his mamma.

When they got home his mamma looked at him and said “You like him, don’t you. He seems to be a nice guy, with such a smart son. Is it because of him that you have been so weird this week?”

Isak couldn’t hold it in anymore and told his mamma about Even and how he messed it up. A few tears rolled down his cheeks. All the tension had to get out of his body.

She encouraged him to sent him a text. After rewriting the message several times he had asked Jonas for advice but he wasn’t really helping at all.

Isak felt the same emotions you had, before you jumped of a diving board. You were nervous because you had to overcome your fear and just jumped, you also knew that when you dive into the water it was not so bad after all.

But to just jump took courage. Isak decided to send it. Somewhere in the back of his mind he knew that Even would answer.

He immediately put his phone in his pocket.

 

21:21

Hey it's me Isak!

I wanted to know if you would like to go on a date with me?  
I promise to not run… again! :)

Just text me and we will figure something out.

 

… … … …

 


	15. Neophobia

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> But still the heart doth need a language.  
> \- S. T. Coleridge

**Even**

 

21:21

Hey it’s me Isak!

I wanted to know if you would like to go on a date with me?  
I promise to not run… again! :)

Just text me and we will figure something out.

 

21:56

Hei! To be honest I am a bit surprised to see your texts.  
But I am so glad and happy that you texted me, Isak you have no idea how happy I am.  
Lysander is rolling on the floor because he is laughing so hard.

I can’t meet you at the moment I am actually in the mountains.

22:03

I know. We can meet next week!

How?

Lysander told me and my mamma. Did you not listen?

No I was having a moment  
I was thinking about how handsome you are

Hahaha Even you are ridiculous.  
… I like it  
And thank you for the compliment you’re not so bad yourself.

Isak, are you flirting over text with me?

Yes!

I am probably not doing a good job if you have to ask

Oh.. I might be a bit oblivious  
Back to the date  
Would you like to go to the theatre with me?

I would love to!

 

 

They spend the rest of the night texting. Even tried to not text Isak during the day, he wanted to spend time with Lysander, but from time to time he had to send Isak a text. Lysander thought it was hilarious.

… … … …

 

**Isak**

 

Their date was something else. But in a positive way. Even had talked passionately about the play and theatre in general and when he noticed that he was the only one talking he blushed. Even had looked so good on Tuesday, Isak had a hard time keeping his hands to himself.

There was a seriousness and depth to him. How he spoke about all the little details of the play. Isak was in awe.

Isak was currently hiding in the bathroom in Even’s flat. He felt too much, he was overwhelmed by his feelings for Even. When Even said “I can’t believe you are here.” he nearly lost it.

He already felt so much for him. Too much?

He looked into the mirror and tried to fix his hair. At the bottom of the mirror he saw a sign. _Take your meds! Just do it!_ _w_ as written on it, Isak had to smile fondly.

“Do you plan on coming out of their any time soon?” He heard Even yell from the living room. They had again spent their time with kissing rather than talking.

He rounded the corner and saw Even standing by the book shelf. He quickly made his way over to Even and wrapped his arms around his waist. He inhaled his scent, that reminded him of warm summer nights.

He looked at the books behind Even and saw a lot of German ones. He was curious and stepped out from Even’s embrace. He walked along the shelf and picked up a book by Goethe, saw Kafka’s _Die Verwandlung_ and turned to Even.

“Did you also had to read that in school?”

Even nodded “Yeah and I really liked it. I can even recite the first sentence if you want?”

Isak laughed and shook his head “No thanks I am good.”

Even looked at him and said shyly “You know the bug is a really nice representation of how people with mental illnesses feel, you know not being understood by others, being excluded from society… At least for me.”

Isak was once again reminded how observant and detail-oriented Even was.

“Oh yeah I hadn’t thought about that when I read it.”

Isak moved on when he saw something in the corner of his eyes “And of course Shakespeare.” He picked up Romeo and Juliet and smiled at Even.

“Why do you have so many German books?”

Even smiled “My father was a German teacher, so I learned German from an early age on. He gives me a German book for my birthday every year.”

“Do you also speak Italian?” Even looked at him perplexed.

Isak pointed at the book he was holding.

“Ah, that one. No I don’t speak Italian.”

“Why do you have it then?” Now it was Isak’s turn to be surprised. Why would you own a book in a language you didn’t understand.

“I found it on the tram and there was a dedication in there and when I translated it it was such a romantic dedication that I had to keep it.”

Isak had to laugh “Oh god you are such a nerd.”

When he looked up again he saw that Even was already looking at him, a slight blush on his face. He looked so cute in that moment, Isak couldn’t help it he had to kiss him again.

… … … …

 

**Even**

 

They got interrupted by Olav who came into the living room. Isak turned to him and bend down, ready to pet him.

“Hey do you remember me from last time?” He said to Olav.

Lysander had a surprised expression on his face when he saw Isak. Even had told him about the date and so far Lysander didn’t seem to have anything against him dating Isak.

“Hei!” Lysander gave Even a hug and continued “I didn’t know you had a guest.”

When Even looked at Isak he saw him blushing. He got up and gave Lysander a formal handshake. Lysander turned to Even with a perplexed expression.

“Will you stay for dinner?” Even asked Isak.

But he shook his head and was already gathering his things. “No I can’t. I have to meet my mamma.”

Even tried to hide his disappointment by smiling. He thought they had made progress and Isak wouldn’t leave so suddenly again. He had hoped that he would stay longer. They hadn’t really talked before but maybe they could have done so after dinner.

Isak turned to Lysander “Bye Lysander!”

“Yeah, bye?” It was more of a question.

At the front door Isak put on his shoes and was already grabbing the door handle when Even gripped his arm. Isak turned around and before he could say anything Even kissed him.

After a while he heard Lysander “I can hear you!”

He was reminded of the last time Isak was here and Isak seemed to remember it as well. They burst out laughing, and they heard Lysander laughing in the living room as well.

He wanted to persuade him to stay but didn’t know how. He also didn’t want to force him self on Isak again.

He had to give in and let Isak go.

Lysander was already in the kitchen, making dinner, when Even felt ready to face him.

“Did I interrupt something important? You just had to text me and I would have come a bit later.”

“No don’t worry.”

Lysander lifted his eyebrows “Then why did he left so suddenly?”

Even shook his head “I seriously have no idea. Maybe he forgot the time and was running late.”

Lysander turned around and gave him a hug. “Yeah, maybe. Hey I thought about making fried rice.”

Even nodded and was glad that his son understood that he didn’t want to talk about Isak.

… … … …

 

**Isak**

 

By Monday Isak hadn’t talked to Even in 3 days. He felt bad that he had run again. But when Lysander came home he was reminded that Even wasn’t alone. And he actually didn’t care but he had a feeling that Lysander had a problem with them dating.

When he had first seen him at the hospital after reaching out to Even he had asked Lysander if he still wanted him as his main therapist or if he wanted someone else. Lysander didn’t feel comfortable any longer. He thought that it would be a conflict of interest for Isak. He was right and so he organised for one of his team members to take over.

He wanted to talk to Lysander after the research meeting, to talk a bit more privately over the whole situation and to really hear his opinion. But he left as soon as the meeting was over. Isak felt like he avoided him.

They had another meeting on Friday and Isak went to it, determined to talk to him again, but there wasn’t really an opportunity.

He had ran on Thursday because he didn’t want to disturb this vicinity that a family forms. They are closely interwoven. Forever connected if one liked it or not. They were pretty resistant against outsiders and it was difficult to get into the family structure, to really understand their thinking and their way of life.

Isak wasn’t sure if he was ready to try to do so. More so he had no idea how.

Even though he hadn’t texted him, his mind was occupied by Even.

The only thing that was currently going on in his mind were thoughts about Even.

Even, Even, Even on repeat.

It was even stronger now than it was before they had really met. He didn’t know what do. How to sort this mess of a situation.

The only thing he knew was that he couldn't stay away from Even, he still wanted to see him. But he also had to respect Lysander’s feelings.

… … … …

 

**Even**

 

It was a beautiful day on Thursday and Even wanted to ask Isak if he would liked to go on a walk with Olav.

So he texted Isak.

Hey. Do you want to meet today?

We could go for a walk.

Hey! Sorry I can’t

I have to mow the lawn

And need to plant some more bee friendly flowers

Did you know that the common fan flower is bee friendly

You should plant these on your balcony!

Okay.

But I can see you again right?

Yes of course Even!

It’s just a bit hectic at work at the moment.

I am free on Sunday.

I understand

Alright lets meet on Sunday!

I can’t wait to see you

 

Even felt like Isak didn’t want to hang out with him and was just coming up with an excuse. He was sure that he was avoiding him. But he was too gone and so Even found himself in front of his front door, putting on his shoes, not even 10 minutes after he stopped texting with Isak. He looked up where the next garden shop was, so that he could buy these flowers for his balcony.

He was not going to give up.

As he was planting the flowers, he thought about the last time he had seen Isak.

Isak had texted him late on Monday and they agreed to meet on Tuesday. Isak came over after Even’s work and they had sat on the balcony and talked. Whenever Even had tried to ask why Isak was still leaving he turned the conversation to another topic.

Even thought that he got the answer when he mentioned that Lysander would be home soon. Isak said that he had to get back to his office and Even turned to him and held his hand in his.

To physically stop him from getting up, to stop him from running.

“Do you really have to go back? You can just stay here and have dinner with me and Lysander.” He had asked.

And Isak had answered “I can’t I have to sort out some assignments for next week.”

Even felt like he didn’t want to spend time with Lysander. And when he thought back to the times when he ran, he realised that he always left when Lysander was coming home. Even didn’t get the impression that he disliked the fact that he had a son or that he didn’t like Lysander. Isak did ask question about Lysander but his behaviours showed Even that he didn’t like to hang out with him. He had no idea why. As Lysander had told him that Isak had asked him if he would like to continue with the research. They did come to the agreement that it was better for them to change Lysander’s main supervisor but Lysander still wanted to continue with the research meetings.

He had wanted to ask more questions about it but Isak had distracted him with kisses. Isak was very talented and Even soon lost himself in the moment.

It was confusing him. Were they together or not? They hung out but then Isak left again. But than he still reached out after he left. Hot and cold.

Even hoped that they would it sort out on Sunday.

… … … …

 

**Isak**

 

When he stood in front of Even’s door on Sunday morning he knew that he would talk openly to Even. He would try to explain what held him back and hoped that Even would understand him.

When Even opened the door a smile lit up his face.

And then he said “You are as beautiful as I remember you.”

Isak was too stunned to say something back. His silence didn’t mean that he felt any other way. And with the look Even gave him, Isak knew that Even understood he felt the same way. He ushered him in and kissed him.

When he told him that he wanted to explain a few things, Isak could see a surprised expression on his face but Even quickly took his hand and led him into the kitchen where he had prepared breakfast for them both.

He only saw to plates and figured that Lysander was out.

They had an open, honest and mature talk. Both said what was on their mind and let the other talk and explain.

Isak felt vulnerable but free.

He had followed his own advice, he gave to patients and to his students, people had to talk with each other to really understand one another.

They both felt exhausted after their talk and decided to lay down.

 

They laid in each others arms, talking about everything and nothing. Occasionally they would both look each other in the eyes, stop talking and start kissing. Even was constantly caressing Isak, as if to map every centimetre of his skin.

Isak was resting his head on his chest, feeling his breath in his hair, he asked about Lysander’s mum.

“I wonder what happened to her. He only ever talks about you. Where is she?”

Even hesitated.

“You only have to answer if you want to.”

“No it’s alright. His mother didn’t want to be a mum and was very overwhelmed and so we decided that I would raise him on my own.” Even let out a deep breath and Isak kissed his chest.

“How does Lysander feel about that? I mean it doesn’t seem to me that he struggles with it but is that something you talk about?”

“Lysander doesn’t really know her. He has a photo of her and I guess when he was younger he wanted to have a mother as well, like all the other children but after a while he never really asked again. When I asked his therapist if this was something that they talked about, she said no, that he never mentions his mother.”

“Well, you two are a good team and I know that he loves you a lot.”

Even gently kissed his hair.

“It is the two of us and it is good the way it is. Us two against the world. We not only had to face puberty but also his diagnosis. It only made us stronger as individuals but it also strengthened our relationship.”

Isak was close to tears. He felt overwhelmed by the unconditional love Lysander and Even both had for each other.

“I am glad you have each other.”

Even hummed and caressed his back “Me too!”

“I just feel like I will never completely understand depression or any other mental illness. People can tell me about their experiences but I will never really know how it is. I would have to experience it in order to have a complete understanding. That’s why I do all of these researches to get a better understanding. I don’t know if it works but I hope that my patients can benefit from it.”

Even looked at him and hugged him even tighter “From what I have heard you are a brilliant doctor. And just your idea for the study is helping the comprehension of mental illnesses. Isak, I think you are doing enough and I know that you will help people. If not now, than in the future.”

Isak had a lump in his throat. “Thank you!”

“Oh there is one more thing I would like to know. Why do you call Lysander Lissy?” he asked after he felt like he didn’t had to cry.

Even had to smile “Lysander called himself that because he had troubles pronouncing his own name, always a good indicator that you gave your child a special name.”

Isak had to laugh and soon they both rolled around on Even’s bed, laughing so hard they had to cry.

… … … …

 

**Even**

 

They wrestled for a few minutes and when they stopped Even looked at Isak. He looked happy, his cheek were coloured from the exercise and his hair was a mess of curls. He tried to run his hand through his hair but it wasn’t really possible. He couldn't stop smiling. Isak also had a blissful smile on his face.

He had never had this kind of closeness with anyone before. Especially not so early. He felt great.

He didn’t really know how to explain his feeling in his own word so he turned to his night stand and saw the book he currently read. Isak made a displeased noise when he turned away from him, so he quickly picked up the book.

“I want to read something to you. Okay?”

“Yeah of course.”

Even tried to find the right page “Okay here we go ‘I feel as if – I hardly know how to describe it, but it is as if my body had been absent and now it is present. As though I am for the first time present in my own body.’”

He gave Isak a kiss and when he looked at him he saw that Isak understood what he meant.

“Even I don’t really know what to say - “

“Then say nothing!” He interrupted and gave him more kisses all over his face. Isak squealed and tried to get out of Even’s hold.

Their talk really helped and he finally understood why Isak had ran.

He had assured Isak that Lysander didn’t mind that they were together, which prompted Isak to ask “Together? We are together?”

Even might not always be sure of everything but he was sure that, that was what he wanted and what they were.

Even explained that Lysander had actually felt hurt after Isak left whenever he came home. Isak felt bad and wanted to talk to Lysander about it, to apologize and to clear things up.

To know about Isak's feelings towards Lysander made him talk about him more openly. He told Isak about Lysander’s life, his friends, his school.

“I also went to Nissen.” Even said to Isak.

Isak smiled “Really? I also went there.”

“No! I don’t remember you. Doesn’t that mean you know Sana? You are both the same age.”

Isak shook his head “No sorry I don’t know a Sana. But you should know that I skipped a year.”

Even nearly came in his pants after Isak said that, he was so smart.

“That would mean you were closer to my year. But I don’t remember seeing you. How could I miss you?”

“Back than I was not that gay, yet. Or more like I wasn’t really admitting to myself that I was gay.” they both had to laugh “so I didn’t really looked at boys.”

“Well luckily you are gay now.”

“Super gay for you!”

After their laughter died down Even wanted to know more about Isak’s job.

“Did you always wanted to become a neuropsychologist?”

“No I actually wanted to become a paediatrician.”

“Oh so we both would have worked with kids” Even interrupted.

“Yeah but than my mamma’s depression got really bad during my second year of university. I wanted to understand what was going on in her brain and so I focused on neurology. Did my residency in a hospital that focused on neuropsychology and got interested in that. Went on to get my doctor in neurology and than my second one in psychology, when I did more research in neuropsychology. My post doc is more in the field of neuropsychology. Sorry I am rambling.”

“No, no I love to hear you talk. You are so smart Isak.”

Isak hugged him closer, nearly laying on top of him.

“What is that?”

Isak knew exactly what it was. “Is that a boner?”

Even went red and tried to squirm away but Isak had a firm grip on him.

“Even do you get aroused when I talk cleverly to you?”

Even only nodded, he was embarrassed that Isak could so easily see through him.

“I am pretty sure you could have found this out if you googled me!” Isak teased.

“But than I wouldn’t have a boner right now.” He teased right back before he added “I did google you but only to find pictures.. But there weren’t any. If there were we wouldn’t had this whole revelation situation the other night with Lysander.”

“Yeah I like to have privacy, so you can only find my CV.”

“Okay you clever man, do you have any idea what to do about the situation in my pants?”

… … … …

 

**Lysander**

 

Lysander came home to a quite flat, his pappa had practically thrown him out this morning. He went to Erik’s and they had continued with their planning for their LGBT group. They decided to start one at their school.

When he let Olav off his leash he immediately ran towards his pappa’s bedroom. But the door was closed, so he started to whine. His pappa stuck his head out and lit up when he saw them both.

“Hei, give us a minute!”

“Us?” Lysander teased

His pappa rolled his eyes “Yes, us! Could you make some tea.” He turned around and said to Isak “Sorry we still don’t have coffee.”

Lysander couldn't hear what Isak answered and went to the kitchen.

He placed three mugs on the table when Isak came into the kitchen.

“Hei!”

He handed him his tea and went to sit down next to him.

Isak touched his arm to get him to look at him. “I just wanted to apologize for my weird behaviour lately. I didn’t really know how to deal with the whole situation.”

Lysander gave him a smile, he couldn't really blame him. He was also a bit confused by it. This didn’t change the fact that he still was disappointed in Isak for leaving his pappa so heartbroken.

“It’s alright.”

Just then his pappa came into the room, he kissed the top of Lysander’s head and sat down.

The atmosphere was a bit awkward and when they looked at each other they started to laugh.

“Oh pappa, you will never guess who I just met on the tram.”

His pappa shrugged and waited for him to continue.

“Bea!” Lysander said around a laugh.

“No!”

“Yes! She didn’t see me.”

“Who is Bea?” Isak quietly asked, as if he wasn’t allowed to.

His pappa turned to Isak and explained the whole Bea situation. Isak laughed really hard and teased his pappa about it. Suddenly Lysander had an idea

“I know how to get her off your back.”

“How? Yousef had tried to help me as well.”

“Isak has to pick you up. And then you have to kiss right in front of Bea. End of problem.”

“Brilliant! Isak what do you say? You don’t have to. I can survive her flirting somehow.”

“I would love to. And when would I ever say no to kissing you.”

They both smiled at each other, not taking their eyes off one another. Lysander could see that Isak was really good for his pappa.

“Oh I wanted to ask you if you will come with me to the birthday of my nieces. They are technically not my nieces, they are Jonas’ children but I am still their uncle. It’s on Thursday.”

“Yes, I would love to.” His pappa said.

“What about you Lysander?”

“Oh I am invited too?”

He hadn’t thought that Isak also meant him.

“Yeah of course.”

“Okay, but I am already meeting Erik.”

“Aha.. Erik.” Isak said.

“No we are not together or will ever be together. No Isak! Don’t get any ideas!”

Isak held up his hands “Okay, okay! I will not say anything.”

His pappa watched them with an amused smile and asked “Do you want to talk about Erik?”

“No it’s all good. We sorted it out.” He said before he teased him “Do you want to talk about Isak?”

Even laughed and shook his head “No we talked it out.”

… … … …

 

 

**Isak**

 

 

He would had never guessed that he would bring a boyfriend to a birthday party. But here he was. With Even by his side, or more like Even on his knees to give the twins their birthday present. Even had bought them some ridiculous toy that apparently all of his kids from kindergarten were obsessed about. They had instantly liked him and dragged him to their toys.

Isak was standing a bit aside when Jonas approached him.

“He is great with the kids.”

“Yeah he really is, it’s his job you know.”

Jonas nodded “You didn’t tell me that he has a teenage son.”

“I didn’t? Well you have actually met him. He is - “

“Lysander, right? I don’t think there are a lot of people with the name Lysander in Norway.”

“No I guess not.”

Jonas looked him in the eyes and Isak knew he would ask something important.

“But it’s all going alright? He understands that you have to work a lot?”

“Yeah don’t worry. He is really great.”

“Who is great?” Even asked from behind.

They hadn’t noticed him coming up to them. Isak turned around and smiled at Even.

“You” he simply said.

Even smiled back at him and entwined their fingers.

“Okay I will leave you two love birds.” Jonas said and turned around to play with his children.

Isak laughed and turned to Even once again.

“The girls like you. They usually don’t like strangers.”

“Well I work with kids you know.”

Isak rolled his eyes and gently pushed him.

“I know! Kids...”

Even looked confused “Yeah.. kids?”

“Do you want more?”

Oh shit… Isak hadn’t thought before he asked the question. It was probably too soon to ask such important questions. They had just started their relationship. Isak was freaking out. How did he mess up so badly. Hopefully Even didn’t mind.

Even gave him a smile and winked, as if he knew that Isak was freaking out.

“To be honest no. Not anymore, I feel a bit too old now. I am nearly forty and also the big age difference between Lysander and the child… no I don’t want that for the child.”

“Yeah I get that. But you have thought about it?”

“Yes. A few years ago, but I never had a partner whom I could see that with. What about you?” He asked carefully.

“I don’t know. At some point I wanted kids but I think not anymore.”

“Okay. Good to know.” Even gave him a big smile and Isak couldn't really comprehend his feelings, that he felt for Even.

He looked at his watch and saw that it was nearly 7 pm.

“Let’s get out of here. I want to kiss you against a wall before you will have to leave for your book meeting. After all we have to practice for Bea, right?”

“Of course you only want to kiss me to practice.”

“Hmm.”

… … … …

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Annotations:  
> Neophobia; from the Greek neos: new, young and phobos: fear  
> The fear of something new. In its milder form, it can manifest as the unwillingness to try new things or break from routine.
> 
> "I feel as if – I hardly know how to describe it, but it is as if my body had been absent and now it is present. As though I am for the first time present in my own body."  
> \- Ahdaf Soueif, The Map of Love


	16. Happiness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As the familiar was transformed into a delicious strangeness.  
> \- Ian McEwan, Atonement

**Lysander**

 

His pappa was the happiest he had ever seen during the last few weeks. Whenever Isak was around he didn’t stop smiling. He also smiled when Isak wasn’t around. He was happy for them.

The last weeks were a bit stressful. Erik and him decided to open up a LGBT group at their school and where in the middle of planning it. They decided to do it because they both felt like they, at one point, needed such a group. They wanted the younger pupils to have that.

So most of his days were filled with planning the meetings and they still had to convince a few teachers. Including the headmaster.

When they told his pappa and Isak about their struggle with the headmaster, Isak offered to help. He wanted to talk to the head master and threaten him. Lysander and Even shared a look, and Erik was trying to hold back his laughter. In the end his pappa luckily convinced Isak to not threaten him. They would somehow convince the headmaster.

He also had to study for the final exams of the school year. Biology was stressing him out. He could hear noises from the hallway and got up to see what it was.

It was his pappa trying to jump on Isak, attacking him with kisses.

“I would greatly appreciate it if you wouldn’t have sex while I am studying for my exam. Thanks.” He said loud enough so that they could hear him.

They both startled and Isak whispered “I thought you said he wasn’t home?”

Lysander heard it and laughed “Well sorry Isak, I am here. I have to study.”

His pappa turned to Isak with an apologetic expression “Sorry.”

“Well he is going to be 18 soon, he will be out of the house soon enough.” Isak said, a mischief smile on his lips “Then I can have you all to myself.”

Lysander rolled his eyes “I will continue to study.”

“What are you studying for? Maybe I can help.” His pappa asked.

“Biology”

“In that case.. I can’t help you. Maybe Isak can.” With the last question he turned to Isak who gave him a nod.

“Okay I will get my things and we can study in the kitchen.”

 

The studying didn’t turned out how he anticipated it. Lysander thought Isak would give him the answers but he didn’t. He wanted that Lysander found them out himself, he was only going to help to some degree. He didn’t believe in cheating. Isak behaved like a typical teacher.

But it did actually helped him and he understood biology better now.

After he had read the books Isak gave him, he really wanted to become a doctor. Which also meant that he had to get better at biology. Isak was more than happy to help.

His pappa was a bit surprised to learn that he wanted to become a doctor. He probably had thought that he would do something artistic. But he was happy with his decision nevertheless.

… … … …

 

**Even**

 

Even was cleaning the flat when the doorbell rung.

Isak.

He stood there in all his glory. The sun behind him gave him a halo. His skin glistened.

Isak was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.

“I couldn’t wait until tomorrow.”

Even was shocked by the gesture and couldn’t answer him. How did he became so lucky?

“I hope that’s okay?” Isak questioned, he looked uncertain and shy all of the sudden.

“Yeah, of course!”

When Isak stepped inside, Even gave him a hug and breathed in his scent “I missed you.”

Isak tried to wriggle out of is embrace.

“Get off. You still have cleaning gloves on.”

Even took a step back “Why are you so mean to me?”

Isak rolled his eyes and made his way into the kitchen.

He moved with such an ease that it left Even breathless. It felt like Isak was already living here. He not only had inhabited his heart and mind, but also his living space. Even didn’t want to change it, ever.

When Even came into the kitchen Isak was helping himself to a cup of tea. At first he didn’t acknowledge him, just continued with his task of making tea.

“Did I make you a tea addict now?”

Isak turned around and winked.

Even took a few steps closer to Isak, always closer. “Come on admitted you are addicted to tea. You don’t need coffee anymore.”

Isak took a step back, his back hit the kitchen counter, and shook his head. A small smile was beginning to form on his lips. He tried to suppress it.

“I still need my daily coffee and as long as you don’t buy coffee I have to stick to tea.”

“Hmm, right of course you do.”

“I do!”

Even took another step and was now close enough that he felt Isak breathing. It got quicker. Even lifted his arms and was about to hug him when Isak ducked.

“Why are you still wearing those gloves?”

Even hadn’t noticed, too busy with Isak. He told him as much.

“Excuse me, I was preoccupied with my gorgeous boyfriend.”

“Were you now?”

Even nodded and finally took off the cleaning gloves.

“Am I allowed to touch you now? Or should I keep my distance?” Even teased.

Isak gave him a big smile and nodded. And so he did.

Kissing Isak was the most natural thing. As if they had done it for years. They both knew what the other wanted, needed. If one needed to take charge or if one needed to be led. And those lips. Even couldn't get enough from Isak’s lips. He constantly wanted to kiss them. Feel them against his own. To be kissed by Isak was a gift. When they kissed the world around them didn’t exist anymore. Only them. Like it had been from the beginning.

… … … …

 

**Isak**

 

As much as he hated it, he had to stop Even. He only had about an hour before he needed to be back at the university.

He turned his head but Even just continued to kiss his neck. He gently put his hand in his hair by the neck and pulled him lightly away from him. Even needed a few seconds to compose himself. When he did, he pouted and went into the living room. Isak looked after him and chuckled. Sometimes Even did behaved like a child. A very cute one.

Isak sat down next to him on the sofa and put his head on his shoulder, Even immediately went through his hair.

“I can’t stay long.”

“Are you leaving again?”

They could joke about that now, but there was still a seriousness to his question.

“No! I just have to go back to work.” Isak smiled and touched Even’s arm. “I faked an emergency so I could cancel my office hour.”

“You shouldn’t do that.”

“I wanted to.”

“Well I am glad you did, but still. Don’t do that, I know and respect that your job is really important to you.” Even said and continued to go through his hair.

Isak didn’t want to talk about it, he wanted to enjoy the remaining minutes he had with Even. So he changed the topic.

He pulled back a bit to look Even in the eyes.

“Hey, I wanted to ask if you would like to come to Amsterdam with me? I am holding a talk at the university there and I though we could make a little holiday out of it.”

Even didn’t answer him and looked away. Isak touched his jaw and turned it so that he would look at him again.

“What is going on? Don’t you want to go with me? You could go and look at paintings by Van Gogh. I saw that you have various prints from his paintings around the flat. Like the big one in the hallway. _Flowering Garden,_ am I right?”

Even laughed and pinched him in his sides. Isak jumped away from him, not too far away, he needed to be close.

“Did you look it up?”

“No. I know stuff about art as well.”

“Okay ‘Mr. I am so smart’.”

Isak had to kiss him again, this ridiculous man.

“So what do you say about a holiday?”

“Isak, I can’t.”

“Why not?”

“Because of Lysander.”

Isak didn’t get why Lysander was a problem. Did Even still thought that he had an issue with him having a son? He had to put an end to his doubts.

“What about him? He will come with us.”

Even looked at him surprised but he still shook his head.

“What? Are you surprised that I want to take him with us? Even, I don’t mind. He will want to see these paintings as well? I heard him talk about the _Sunflowers_ by Van Gogh.”

He knew that he was talking loudly, he felt a bit angry. Why didn’t Even see that he wanted them both in his life? He got up from the sofa and stood in front of Even.

Even reached out for his hands and pulled him on his lap. This close Isak saw the little freckles on his nose.

“It’s not that… You know I love that you accept Lysander as part of our relationship. It’s just that since he was young he is anxious to fly. And I guess he still is as we never flew again.”

“Okay. But you don’t know for sure. We should ask him and if he still feels anxious we will go by train. It is actually better for the environment.”

“Yeah we should… I don’t know?”

“Don’t use Lysander as an excuse. Just tell me if you don’t want to go.”

Isak wanted to get up again, he thought that Even would have said yes. He had been nervous to ask but decided to just ask him. What did he had to lose? Apparently the opportunity to go on holiday with Even…

Even held him closer and spoke in his chest.

“But I want to have sex with you… all the time.” And to reinforce it, he kissed his chest and let his hands roam Isak’s back.

Isak wasn’t sure if he had heard him correct.

“What were you saying?”

“You heard me Isak.”

Even slightly lifted his head and looked up at Isak. Isak saw a light blush and laughed.

“He will get a room far away from us.”

When Even laughed he shook Isak on his lap and they nearly fell of the sofa, weren’t it for Even’s quick reflexes.

… … … …

 

**Even**

 

He still couldn't believe that Isak had cancelled his office hour for him, when he watched him put on his shoes. He felt very lucky to call Isak his boyfriend.

Isak looked for his bag when Even remembered that he had to leave for a conference in two days.

“I totally forgot to tell you that I am going to a conference on Thursday. I wont be back before Tuesday night.”

Isak turned around to him, his phone in his hand.

“Oh okay. I can have a look in my calender to see if I can find time to look after Lysander and Olav.”

Even shook his head and smiled.

“That’s not what I meant. Thank you for your offer though. Lysander is going to look after Olav himself and my sister lives just around the corner. So it’s all settled.”

“Alright, I am here though.”

“I will tell Lysander that he can call you.” Even hugged him “Do you have time to meet tomorrow before I leave?”

“Sure! I will come over a bit late if that’s alright with you.”

“Of course as long as I will see you before I leave.” Even kissed him and wished that Isak had more time today.

“Even you have to let me go.”

“I will… in a minute.”

… … … …

 

**Isak**

 

On Saturday Isak found a little note in his backpack. Even must have put it in there, somehow.

_My bounty is as boundless as the sea,_

_My love as deep; the more I give to thee,_

_The more I have, for both are infinite_

_\- Shakespeare_

Even had drawn them both in a bed, a sign next to them read Trondheim, where Even was right now. Further down on the paper it read:

_Your endless trust in me, in us, helps me to have trust in us too. I can’t wait to be back!_

Isak had found the note during his therapy session, he wanted to give his patient the number of a colleague when his fingers brushed the unfamiliar piece of paper. After he read it he had troubles to hold back his tears. No one has ever done something so romantic for him. He nearly had to go out of the room but he remained professional and continued the therapy session. Barely so.

Once he finished he got his phone out of his pocket, he sent Even a text.

Hey you!  
I just found your note.  
When did you put it in there?

Even’s reply came instantly, as if he had waited for Isak’s text.

 

I put in there while you were sleeping on Thursday morning  
I wondered when you would find it.  
I was afraid you would never do so…

You are so cute!  
I can’t wait to see you  
Come back now.

I would love to come home now the conference is so  
boring

You have to do the thing again

 

What thing?

The thing you did in the shower on Thursday!

Ahh that thing  
I have a boner now  
I still have to go through 4 hours of talking…

 

Before Isak could answer he got a notification that Lysander had send him a text. He clicked on it right away. Isak hoped that nothing was wrong and he just wanted to ask him something about biology.

 

Hey Isak! I don’t want to disturb you.. It’s just that I have this pain  
in my stomach and wanted to ask if you could get me something  
from the pharmacy. I can’t reach my grandparents or my aunt.

Hey! I will come over!  
Can you describe where the pain is?  
I am at the hospital right now maybe I can already  
pick something up on my way over.

The pain is near my belly button  
It wasn’t that bad yesterday.

Okay. I am on my way to the tram now.   
Will be there in 30 min.

 

He wanted to ask Even if Lysander still had his appendix or if he had other health issues with his stomach but he didn’t want to worry Even. He didn’t text him, at least until he had a look at Lysander. Lysander didn’t sound too stressed.

He got off the tram and went into the pharmacy to buy some painkillers, that were gentle on the stomach, just in case.

… … … …

 

**Lysander**

 

He had felt fine until this morning. Yesterday he hung out with Smilla and Erik, and they went for Kebabs. When he lay in bad that night he felt a slight pain in his stomach but hadn’t thought much of it.

He called his aunt and grandparents but none of them picked up. At first he wanted to call Erik but in the end he asked Isak. He knew that Isak was volunteering at the hospital, he hoped that it was alright for Isak to just leave.

He heard the doorbell but felt like he couldn't get up. In that moment he regretted not teaching Olav how to open doors, like assistance dogs do for paralysed people.

Luckily he remembered the spare key under the door mat. He texted Isak where he could find it and after a few seconds he could hear that the front door was being opened.

“Hey. Is the pain that much?” Isak gently asked whilst he touched his forehead, to check his temperature.

“Yeah.”

“Can I touch your stomach?”

Lysander nodded and carefully turned around so that he could lay on his back. Isak touched his stomach and when he touched the region around his belly button Lysander winced.

“I want to take you to the hospital, to -”

“Why?” Lysander anxiously asked. He didn’t like to go to the hospital.

“Hey calm down.” Isak touched his arm and looked around the room. “I just want to make sure it’s not an appendicitis. Where are your shirts?”

With the help of Isak Lysander got dressed. Isak called a taxi and they made their way to the hospital.

… … … …

 

**Isak**

 

He was worried. He wasn’t really sure if it was Lysander’s appendix who caused the pain. In that moment he understood the fear parents felt for their children whenever they were sick. Lysander wasn’t his son but he still was nervous.

Once he explained the situation to the nurse they got appointed to a room. He asked Lysander if he should wait outside but he just shook his head and looked at him with fear.

He gently run his fingers through his hair and whispered to him, to calm him down.

The doctor came in and before he could start to touch his stomach Isak explained the situation to the doctor.

“He feels a lot of pain on the left side, the area around the appendix is a bit harder.”

The doctor looked up and gave him a small smile. “I gather you are a doctor yourself.”

Isak smiled and nodded. Doctors were the worst patients or in this case the worst to accompany someone.

“Okay Lysander, as your father just said the area around the appendix is a bit abnormal. I will do an ultrasound and then we will know more.”

The doctor went to get the ultrasound device. Lysander didn’t correct him when he assumed Isak was his father. Isak didn’t either.

… … … …

 

**Lysander**

 

It wasn’t the appendix, maybe just a stomach bug. When the doctor wanted to prescribe him medication Isak reminded the doctor that he took medication for his bipolar disorder. The doctor wasn’t really sure if he could take the medication and went out of the room to look it up. Isak rolled his eyes and was a bit angry that the doctor had no idea if he could prescribe the meds or not.

“He needs to be educated.”

“It’s alright. It happens all the time, to me or pappa.”

“It shouldn’t.. maybe I should tell his supervisor.”

“No don’t. I don’t want you to make a scene.”

Isak smiled at him and agreed to not call the doctor out on it.

In the end he suggested that the doctor should come and visit one of his talks on mental illnesses he was going to hold next month. The doctor turned red and said that he would come.

Isak was taking Lysander home to his own house, so that he could look after him a bit better.

He dropped him off and made sure that he was comfortable.

Lysander could hear Isak and his mamma talk in the kitchen. Isak was going to get Olav and a few thing for them from their flat.

Isak’s mamma, Marianne, came into the living room, where he laid on the sofa.

“Isak is very exited to get your dog. He always wanted one but his father didn’t allowed it.”

Lysander smiled and took the tea she offered to him.

“Do you need anything?”

“No thank you. I am sorry that I am ruining your weekend.”

“Don’t worry you are not ruining anything.” She touched his arm and put the blanket around his shoulders. “I will let you sleep and if you need anything, I will be in the kitchen.

He fell asleep to the sounds in the kitchen.

… … … …

 

**Isak**

 

Lysander slept most of the day, only waking up to drink and eat a bit of toast.

Isak had called Even on Saturday evening and explained the situation. Even wanted to come home immediately. They had a long discussion and in the end Isak convinced Even to stay after he said that he was a doctor, who was more than capable to look after Lysander.

By Sunday afternoon Lysander felt way better and came down the stairs hungry.

His mamma was delighted to have a guest in the house and cooked him a soup.

Afterwards they watched TV until it was time for Olav to have his evening walk. His mamma offered to take Olav. He always had a feeling that she would have liked to have a dog as well but never got around to convince his father.

He turned to Lysander who was looking at him. He bit the skin around his fingernails, a nervous quirk he had seen Even do as well.

Lysander took a deep breath and looked around, as if to make sure that his mamma had really left.

“Why did you behaved so weird… I mean why did you avoided me?” He suddenly asked quietly, not meeting Isak’s eyes.

Isak hadn’t expected the question.

“I was looking out for you.. or I thought I was. I actually felt like you avoided me.”

“Oh, I wasn’t. I have to admit I was a bit angry at you because after you left for he first time, pappa felt really bad.”

Isak nodded, he knew how Even felt and had apologized a million times since than. Even had already forgave him but he still felt bad about it.

“I also didn’t want to disturb your routine. To not make things complicated. I knew how close you and your pappa are and suddenly you would have to share him.”

“I hope you know that I have nothing against you and that I like to hangout with you and pappa together.” Lysander reached for his mug on the coffee table “I see how happy you make pappa.”

Isak felt grateful that he had met Lysander and that he so easily accepted him.

“I am glad that you like me.”

Lysander wanted to say something but Isak continued, he had to say it.

“I think it is awesome that you confronted me, I guess we never really talked about it. I also feel really honoured that you asked me to look after you and that you let me take care of you. It means a lot to me.”

“I am glad you came.. I really like that pappa is not alone anymore. I guess he hasn’t truly been alone since 17 years but he hasn’t had a partner in so long and I never had another person I could turn to, besides my pappa and my grandparents.”

Lysander looked at Isak carefully, as if Isak would dismiss his feelings.

If Isak did understand him correctly than he just said, that he saw Isak a bit like a father figure. Isak felt proud, he had never guessed that he needed to hear something like that, he never would have imagined that he could be a father to someone.

“I feel really lucky to have you both.”

And if Lysander saw his tears he didn’t mentioned it.

He wouldn’t change his life for anything in the world.

… … … …

 

**Even**

 

Even was standing in front of the hospital, Isak by his side. They waited for Lysander to show up. Today the research team held a little get together, to talk about the study and to have a little art show that displayed all the projects the children created during their research meetings.

So far Isak hadn’t found anything ground breaking but he hoped that in a year he would have a few results.

For Even it was strange to stand here at the hospital with Isak. Just a few weeks ago he had crushed on a man who hadn’t had enough money for a coffee and now… Now he stood next to him.

If people would ask him if all those sleepless nights were worth it he would say yes. To know Isak was a gift. Even felt lucky to be in a relationship with him, to love him.

Love. When Even looked back he knew that he had loved Isak from the moment he first saw him. At first it felt wrong to love someone you hardly knew. There should have been a phase of getting to know the other person, to slowly fall in love. Not that fast.

But it had happened to them. They had talked about it and both felt overwhelmed by it. By their feelings. It also felt right to them and they vowed to each other to only do things if they felt right.

It was easy to fall in love, but to stay together would be a challenge and Even was ready to overcome any challenge. Not alone but with Isak and Lysander by his side.

Lysander. Where was he?

Even turned to Isak “Maybe I should call him.”

Isak nodded and took his hand in his. Even dialled Lysander’s number and after the second ring he answered the call.

“Yes, hello! Here is your father. Where are you? We are waiting for you.”

“On my way. Don’t stress. Isak is always late, the people will be shocked if he is on time.”

Even heard him chuckle, he hung up and gave Isak a quick kiss.

“He is on his way.”

“Don’t worry he will make it. He is rather proud of his paintings. He will want to show off.”

He was about to answer when he saw Lysander and Erik. With quick strides they came over and the four of them made their way inside.

… … … …

 

**Lysander**

 

Lysander stood in front of his paintings. He had finished 3 paintings and several little drawings.

He was especially proud of one of the paintings. It showed a woman who fell over with a chair, several chairs could be seen in the background.

He watched his pappa and Isak. Wherever Isak went his pappa went. They didn’t really let go of one another.

Lysander didn’t mind, it was actually kind of cute.

They walked around the room and looked at the art that was displayed. They came to him last.

“So Lysander what did you create?” Isak asked, humour in his voice. He had already seen what he had painted, it wasn’t a surprise to him anymore. His pappa on the other hand, had no idea, he hadn’t told him about his paintings.

“I am very proud of you. I really like the painting of the woman. I can see how hard you worked on it.” His pappa said whilst he hugged him.

“Thank you. I needed something to distract me from Erik.” He looked at Erik who just rolled his eyes and laughed.

“Well, do you want to explain what you want to say with it? Or is it a secret?” His pappa asked, arm around Isak now, giving him a side hug.

“Yeah of course.” Lysander said and looked at the painting once more.

“You can choose between all of those chairs but the person took that particular one. The chairs stand for a path in one’s life, so the woman choose to go down this path. But she felt overwhelmed that’s why some chairs fell. The other chairs aren’t occupied and some of them still stand. The woman has the chance to change for another chair, and with that for another path in her life.”

All eyes were on him.

“So nothing is forever? People change and the way they see things?” His pappa asked.

“Yes, excactly!”

His pappa turned to Isak and said to him “My son is very smart and talented, right?”

Isak smiled and nodded “Of course he is. You are his pappa after all.”

Lysander rolled his eyes “Be cute somewhere else!”

Lysander turned to Erik who laughed at them. He was glad that he had Erik as a friend. Their LGBT group started last week and was a big success. Quite a few students signed up and Lysander couldn't wait to see what they would achieve.

That he had a crush on Erik seemed so far away, even though it had just been a few weeks. They had a close friendship now, no more secrets and misunderstandings. Yesterday Erik told him about a guy he liked and he didn’t feel jealous, just happy for his friend.

He couldn't see his pappa and Isak anymore. They probably sneaked out to make out. Like they had done before.

They no longer were just the two of them. They were three now.

… … … …

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lysander’s painting is inspired by a photo by Abdulla Elmaz  
> This is the link to the picture: https://www.instagram.com/p/BvoIRK0Ari5/


	17. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a little something.

**Even**

 

“Pappa I think we should move into Isak’s house.”

Even was a bit lost. “Lysander no one is talking about moving in.”

“What? Isak asked me if I would mind if he would move in here?”

Isak was bright red. “Lysander!”

“What?” Even said at the same time.

“I haven’t told your pappa yet!”

“Ohh.. I thought you talked to one another.”

“But why Isak’s house?”

“Because Isak’s house is nice and not a shithole like our flat”

Even turned to Isak who was stifling a laugh, “I promise Isak, I taught him manners!”

“I am pretty sure Isak knows that pappa, but seriously we can’t make Isak live here it is a disgrace” Even knew he was right but it was the first flat he moved into right before Lysander was born. He had already thought about moving in. They were together for a year now, it was the right step in their relationship. After the first months they slowed down their relationship. Got to know each other even more.

“First, thank you for remembering your manners and secondly you are right, it is a mess and Isak’s house is very nice but he is not living alone there. His mama also lives there we can’t just decide to move in, without asking her.”

Isak quietly said “I already talked to mamma, she doesn’t mind you guys moving in.”

Even turned to him “Are you sure? I think we should invite her for dinner and ask her properly.”

Isak shook his head “You really don’t have to do this. In fact she is already planing to move into the attached flat.”

Lysander was jumping up and down and looked absolutely happy.

“Well than we have to invite her for a ‘thank you dinner’!” Even said.

Isak was laughing and looked at him with so much love, Even had to kiss him.

While he was kissing him, he knew that they would spend the rest of their lives together.

 

 

 

→ Simply be mine ←

 

 

**Isak**

 

 

They had briefly talked about marriage but in the end decided against it. They didn’t need a piece of paper which said that they would stay together for a life time. They already knew that. It was as simple as that.

All those years ago Isak had opened his heart to everything new in his life. To his new, strange life. He didn’t regretted it once. The best decision he had ever made.

Aminata had asked him to be her doctoral thesis supervisor and he happily agreed. She was now a successful doctor in the field of neuropsychology.

The research that brought them all together was an enormous success. Over 10 years he had identified different biomarkers for different mental illnesses. He developed a method to identify mental illnesses which was now called _The_ _Valtersen_ _T_ _est._

His biggest achievement in his professional life.

Even and Lysander were his biggest achievement in his personal life. The most important one.

Over the years Lysander brought many girlfriends and boyfriends home but they never stayed together very long. Secretly Isak was glad that some of the relationships didn’t work out. Most of them couldn’t understand why Lysander spent so much time in the hospital.

Isak was quite sure that he was going to marry the new nurse but Even wasn’t so sure.

They had a bet going on.

… … … …

 

 

 

 _If we shadows have offended,_  
_Think but this, and all is mended:_  
 _That you have but slumber'd here_  
 _While these visions did appear._  
 _And this weak and idle theme,_  
 _No more yielding but a dream,_  
 _Gentles do not reprehend._  
 _If you pardon, we will mend._

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to anyone who read this little story of mine. A big thank you to the people who commented, it really encouraged me to go on!  
> Thank you!  
> xx ❤️


End file.
